Can everyone please take a second to vote for my cousin Sarah in The X Factor Cheer Contest?
She's fantastic and I'd love to see her win!
http://txf.vzpromotions.com/?i=861
Thank you guys!
<3
December 5, 2011
December 1, 2011
Two Lesbians Raised a Child, Here He Is. =)
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. What an incredible speaker!
My new hero! <3
Love is love.
Equality for all.
J
November 12, 2011
You Know...
I really hate it when people buy me clothes, or offer to buy me clothes, because they don't think I'm "fashionable" enough, or whatever. I know you THINK you're doing a nice thing by forcing all these "nice" clothes down my throat, but I actually find it incredibly humiliating and insulting.
You want to know why I wear jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts? I'm fucking ugly. I'm fucking fat. Covering myself with expensive, girly clothing isn't going to change that. Ever. Dressing me in fancy clothes and jewelry is like throwing some sparkly glitter on a pile of dog shit. Its still dog shit. Its always going to be dog shit. Now its just covered in glitter. The glitter does not hide the fact that it is, in fact, dog shit.
I'm dog shit. Stop throwing glitter on me.
You want to know why I wear jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts? I'm fucking ugly. I'm fucking fat. Covering myself with expensive, girly clothing isn't going to change that. Ever. Dressing me in fancy clothes and jewelry is like throwing some sparkly glitter on a pile of dog shit. Its still dog shit. Its always going to be dog shit. Now its just covered in glitter. The glitter does not hide the fact that it is, in fact, dog shit.
I'm dog shit. Stop throwing glitter on me.
November 9, 2011
Fuck. FUCK EVERYTHING.
I’m never talking to, or confiding anything, to anyone in this fucking family ever again. I’m never talking to anyone ever again. About anything. I can’t fucking trust in anyone anymore, and I’m tired of looking like the bad guy all the time. I don't needs friends, I don't need to be a part of this fucking family, I just need to pick up my fucking life and fix it all myself. I'm tired of people treating me like I'm some kind of monster and like everything I do is to make other people miserable. I'm tired of having all the blame put on me and having to take the fall for others. All the fucking time. I’m done. I’m fucking done with all of these people.
October 20, 2011
My Tiger Babies.
Colby's mom said that after the woman left, she called the shelter SIX times, begging to adopt my three tiger kittens. Six times. Begging. But she can't have them, because they're my babies!
And they're coming home tonight!
J
Thank You.
So, no more VALO for me.
Life is so shitty.
I need to fix everything and make it better.
J
October 14, 2011
Cheer Up.
One of my awesome Twitter friends made this for me today. It made me smile.
Not much can make me smile these days.
I've been completely miserable.
I feel so helpless, so completely alone.
I think I'm starting to give up.
No, that's not true.
I gave up a long time ago.
Ugh..
J
October 11, 2011
October 4, 2011
Vlog Questions!
Hey there folks, just making a post so that you have the option to submit questions for my vlogs anonymously! If I ever ask for questions go ahead and just post them here (unless I make a more recent post) and I'll answer them in my vlog!
Ask awaaaaay!
:D
Ask awaaaaay!
:D
October 2, 2011
Cheaters.
Today, Colby and I found out via Facebook that our good friend, and outstanding Marine, is the victim of a cheating, manipulative wife, and they are only 20 and 21 years old. This was posted on both of their Facebook pages today:
"TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.. I [Destinye] would never tell you this myself, because I hate who I am, I'm manipulative, and I am a compulsive liar. So my soon-to-be ex husband will have to do it for me. He is an amazing man. He supported me when my life was hard, he loved me with all his heart, he NEVER would've hurt me, he gave me everything I could've asked for, he did everything for me, he would've died for me, he loved me even if I fucked up... even if I ripped his heart out.. twice. I was never happier than when I was with him. At least that's what I told him. If you're wondering, I cheated on him, twice. Once while he was deployed, serving his country, risking his life, at the most vulnerable part of his life. But I reassured him that I would NEVER do it again. That I LOVED him more than anyone, and I could not live without him. For he was my soul mate. But again I cheated, just recently, while he was home, sleeping next to me every night, comfortable and care-free.. He had no idea. In fact, him finding out that I had been cheating on him since mid September shocked him so badly, he contemplated suicide for days. He still is in fact. But i don't really care. Selfishness is part of my nature, as well as deceit and manipulation. Will I ever find someone good enough for me? Probably not. Because I already have, unfortunately, I found the need to sleep with 19 yr old, skinny, drug-dealing, no future, Anza kid. Rico Robles. So a fair warning to anyone looking to try having a relationship with me: Good luck, I obviously had everything I couldve asked for, an apartment, a brand new car, a great job, I was in college, and had a loving husband who made me laugh, rubbed my feet, cooked me breakfast, gave me the world, supported me no matter what held me when I was upset, wiped my tears away, told me I was beautiful everyday even if I had just woken up.. One day I'll look back and see what I missed out on. One day.. I'll realize he really loved me. But it will be too late."
Justin, I doubt you're reading this, but we love you man. SO many people are proud of you and love you. Stay strong, you'll get through this.
J
"TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.. I [Destinye] would never tell you this myself, because I hate who I am, I'm manipulative, and I am a compulsive liar. So my soon-to-be ex husband will have to do it for me. He is an amazing man. He supported me when my life was hard, he loved me with all his heart, he NEVER would've hurt me, he gave me everything I could've asked for, he did everything for me, he would've died for me, he loved me even if I fucked up... even if I ripped his heart out.. twice. I was never happier than when I was with him. At least that's what I told him. If you're wondering, I cheated on him, twice. Once while he was deployed, serving his country, risking his life, at the most vulnerable part of his life. But I reassured him that I would NEVER do it again. That I LOVED him more than anyone, and I could not live without him. For he was my soul mate. But again I cheated, just recently, while he was home, sleeping next to me every night, comfortable and care-free.. He had no idea. In fact, him finding out that I had been cheating on him since mid September shocked him so badly, he contemplated suicide for days. He still is in fact. But i don't really care. Selfishness is part of my nature, as well as deceit and manipulation. Will I ever find someone good enough for me? Probably not. Because I already have, unfortunately, I found the need to sleep with 19 yr old, skinny, drug-dealing, no future, Anza kid. Rico Robles. So a fair warning to anyone looking to try having a relationship with me: Good luck, I obviously had everything I couldve asked for, an apartment, a brand new car, a great job, I was in college, and had a loving husband who made me laugh, rubbed my feet, cooked me breakfast, gave me the world, supported me no matter what held me when I was upset, wiped my tears away, told me I was beautiful everyday even if I had just woken up.. One day I'll look back and see what I missed out on. One day.. I'll realize he really loved me. But it will be too late."
Justin, I doubt you're reading this, but we love you man. SO many people are proud of you and love you. Stay strong, you'll get through this.
J
September 23, 2011
Chadwick is a manduca sexta caterpillar, more commonly called a tobacco hornworm.
I bread and raised these little guys as an intern at USM Biological.
He is a very beautiful specimen, and very pesky.
Here, you see him eating the tomato plants in my garden. Bad bad bad.
I will not kill him though, because Winter is coming and my garden is dying anyway.
So, eat away, my lovely little friend. Our battle will continue next season!
August 28, 2011
A Letter to Metro East Management, Our Landlady, and City Hall.
To whom it may concern,
In March of 2010, my boyfriend and I moved into _______________________.
After we completed out initial paperwork and walk through, we were content with our decision to move into this apartment, but our minds were quickly changed. Please note that this letter will be delivered to Metro East Management as well as City Hall upon our leave of this apartment.
I have compiled a list of all of the issues that we discovered during our time living at this residence, some of which could have been easily taken care of and avoided before we arrived. These are all things we discovered after we had signed the paperwork and had finished our initial walk through:
1) Numerous stains in living area carpet, ranging from red to brown in color, some of which did not require steam cleaning and could have been easily cleaned before our arrival.
2) Living room and bedroom windows caked with grime, dirt, and dead insects.
3) Left living room window has never been opened during our stay here, it is stuck.
4) Bedroom window is broken and does not close all the way, resulting in extra money spent on heating and cooling bills.
5) Paint splatter/droplets on the baseboards in bathroom, as well as small stains, and possibly burns, in the linoleum.
6) Underside of the toilet seat is discolored, warped, and possibly mold ridden, we refuse to replace it as it was like this when we arrived and we don't have the money.
7) Toilet bowl was HEAVILY stained.
8) "Flowers" on the bottom of the bathtub were moldy and cracked, some of which were very sharp.
9) Hallway light bulb, two bathroom light bulbs, outside light bulb, and two light bulbs on the ceiling fan were dead and had not been replaced, light fixtures and ceiling fan were also caked with dust and dead insects. We will be taking the light bulbs that we bought with us, seeing as we bought them with our own money.
10) Shower head needed to be completely replaced and was coated in grime and rust, water would not come out at all, which we paid for out of our pocket.
11) We had to spend money to buy a drain snake and drain cleaner after we discovered that the bathtub drain was completely clogged.
12) Both the bathroom and kitchen faucets leak from the knobs, regardless of which knob you turn.
13) Large burn on the bedroom window blinds.
14) The first night we tried to wash our clothes in the washer/dryer that came with the apartment, we discovered that not only was the washer broken, but the inside of the dryer was coated with rust, which resulted in rust stains on a full load of laundry that we attempted to wash. We had to throw away those clothes.
15) It took the maintenance people almost two weeks to get out to the apartment to replace the broken washer/dryer, and upon their arrival they also discovered that the vents leading from the dryer to outside had not been cleaned in quite some time, and that the tubing was the wrong size, which is a MAJOR fire hazard. They had to use a gas powered leaf blower to clean it all out, and we were forced to deal with the smell.
16) In the Winter time, we called Metro East to come and salt our stairs numerous times during the snow/ice storms that occurred. The stairs were never salted, and my boyfriend fell down the stairs, which resulted in a severe back injury that left him unable to work and cost us a few hundred dollars in chiropractor bills. I would say that the company is very luck we decided not to sue.
17) Crack in the foundation in the wall above the bedroom door.
18) Dishwasher is VERY outdated and leaks.
19) All the ceiling vents are rust covered.
20) Although the fridge works relatively fine, we discovered that the lining had been almost completely torn off and had been hidden under the fridge.
21) Frame on the mirror behind the bedroom door was loose and later fell off on its own, the stickers on the mirror were also there when we moved in.
22) We were told that this neighborhood did not accept S8, and that it was drug and crime free. This could not be more incorrect. Had we known that there was such a high amount of drug and gang related violence in this neighborhood, we would NEVER chosen to move here. The police are here at least once a week, I have video proof of that, and there is a lot of talk about gang violence and a lot of drug use, as well as numerous other illegal activities. Most of the neighbors, namely from building 12, are up at all hours of the night and are VERY loud and very rude. There are fights on the front lawn on an almost nightly basis, and loud music and voices can be heard even at 3-4 in the morning.
23) The lining on the front door is missing completely, and if the deadbolt is not locked, the door remains cracked open, which lets a lot of heat/air out.
24) In our lease it states that we are responsible for any pest problems we encounter within our residence, i.e. mice or insects. After just one night here we discovered that the whole apartment was INFESTED with ants of all sorts. Despite spending money sprays and traps, the problem continued to worsen until we had to spend a moderately large amount of money on a powerful spray to get rid of the bugs. The ant infestation resulted in the death of one of our pets. I'm well aware that pest control is our responsibility, but being that these ants were a major problem before our arrival, I would have to say that I am completely disgusted with how this apartment was kept, previous to our residing here.
In closing, we did our best to be respectful and to clean up the apartment in our last few days living here, despite the disgusting state we found it in when we arrived. If there are fees for cleaning the carpets, then so be it, since we are not allowed to steam clean them ourselves. If anything, we left this apartment in a much better state than when we arrived, spending a lot of money out of pocket to fix and replace things that should have been dealt with before our arrival. If we are charged extra for anything listed above, we will be taking Metro East to court. Rest assured, we will not be speaking very highly of this neighborhood, this apartment, or this company to our friends and family.
Sincerely,
Janise Hall and Colby Blankenhagen
__________________________________
In March of 2010, my boyfriend and I moved into _______________________.
After we completed out initial paperwork and walk through, we were content with our decision to move into this apartment, but our minds were quickly changed. Please note that this letter will be delivered to Metro East Management as well as City Hall upon our leave of this apartment.
I have compiled a list of all of the issues that we discovered during our time living at this residence, some of which could have been easily taken care of and avoided before we arrived. These are all things we discovered after we had signed the paperwork and had finished our initial walk through:
1) Numerous stains in living area carpet, ranging from red to brown in color, some of which did not require steam cleaning and could have been easily cleaned before our arrival.
2) Living room and bedroom windows caked with grime, dirt, and dead insects.
3) Left living room window has never been opened during our stay here, it is stuck.
4) Bedroom window is broken and does not close all the way, resulting in extra money spent on heating and cooling bills.
5) Paint splatter/droplets on the baseboards in bathroom, as well as small stains, and possibly burns, in the linoleum.
6) Underside of the toilet seat is discolored, warped, and possibly mold ridden, we refuse to replace it as it was like this when we arrived and we don't have the money.
7) Toilet bowl was HEAVILY stained.
8) "Flowers" on the bottom of the bathtub were moldy and cracked, some of which were very sharp.
9) Hallway light bulb, two bathroom light bulbs, outside light bulb, and two light bulbs on the ceiling fan were dead and had not been replaced, light fixtures and ceiling fan were also caked with dust and dead insects. We will be taking the light bulbs that we bought with us, seeing as we bought them with our own money.
10) Shower head needed to be completely replaced and was coated in grime and rust, water would not come out at all, which we paid for out of our pocket.
11) We had to spend money to buy a drain snake and drain cleaner after we discovered that the bathtub drain was completely clogged.
12) Both the bathroom and kitchen faucets leak from the knobs, regardless of which knob you turn.
13) Large burn on the bedroom window blinds.
14) The first night we tried to wash our clothes in the washer/dryer that came with the apartment, we discovered that not only was the washer broken, but the inside of the dryer was coated with rust, which resulted in rust stains on a full load of laundry that we attempted to wash. We had to throw away those clothes.
15) It took the maintenance people almost two weeks to get out to the apartment to replace the broken washer/dryer, and upon their arrival they also discovered that the vents leading from the dryer to outside had not been cleaned in quite some time, and that the tubing was the wrong size, which is a MAJOR fire hazard. They had to use a gas powered leaf blower to clean it all out, and we were forced to deal with the smell.
16) In the Winter time, we called Metro East to come and salt our stairs numerous times during the snow/ice storms that occurred. The stairs were never salted, and my boyfriend fell down the stairs, which resulted in a severe back injury that left him unable to work and cost us a few hundred dollars in chiropractor bills. I would say that the company is very luck we decided not to sue.
17) Crack in the foundation in the wall above the bedroom door.
18) Dishwasher is VERY outdated and leaks.
19) All the ceiling vents are rust covered.
20) Although the fridge works relatively fine, we discovered that the lining had been almost completely torn off and had been hidden under the fridge.
21) Frame on the mirror behind the bedroom door was loose and later fell off on its own, the stickers on the mirror were also there when we moved in.
22) We were told that this neighborhood did not accept S8, and that it was drug and crime free. This could not be more incorrect. Had we known that there was such a high amount of drug and gang related violence in this neighborhood, we would NEVER chosen to move here. The police are here at least once a week, I have video proof of that, and there is a lot of talk about gang violence and a lot of drug use, as well as numerous other illegal activities. Most of the neighbors, namely from building 12, are up at all hours of the night and are VERY loud and very rude. There are fights on the front lawn on an almost nightly basis, and loud music and voices can be heard even at 3-4 in the morning.
23) The lining on the front door is missing completely, and if the deadbolt is not locked, the door remains cracked open, which lets a lot of heat/air out.
24) In our lease it states that we are responsible for any pest problems we encounter within our residence, i.e. mice or insects. After just one night here we discovered that the whole apartment was INFESTED with ants of all sorts. Despite spending money sprays and traps, the problem continued to worsen until we had to spend a moderately large amount of money on a powerful spray to get rid of the bugs. The ant infestation resulted in the death of one of our pets. I'm well aware that pest control is our responsibility, but being that these ants were a major problem before our arrival, I would have to say that I am completely disgusted with how this apartment was kept, previous to our residing here.
In closing, we did our best to be respectful and to clean up the apartment in our last few days living here, despite the disgusting state we found it in when we arrived. If there are fees for cleaning the carpets, then so be it, since we are not allowed to steam clean them ourselves. If anything, we left this apartment in a much better state than when we arrived, spending a lot of money out of pocket to fix and replace things that should have been dealt with before our arrival. If we are charged extra for anything listed above, we will be taking Metro East to court. Rest assured, we will not be speaking very highly of this neighborhood, this apartment, or this company to our friends and family.
Sincerely,
Janise Hall and Colby Blankenhagen
__________________________________
July 8, 2011
USTREAM Party!
So I'm on USTREAM watching Jeph Jacques draw today's Questionable Content comic () and I'm in chat with some seriously awesome people.
Here are some QC themed Alliterations they've come up with! Woot!
2:21 KnavishSprite: Hugging Hannelore Heralds Heavy Hyperventilating
2:23 Tychomnger: Diddling Dora Delineates Deficiencies
2:23 darkoneko: Tickling Tai Takes The Talk
2:24 hopalong1987: Touching Tai Trrigers Tounge Tickling
2:24 Tychomnger: Probing Pintsize Pleases Properly
2:24 BearcatSarge: Stalking Steve Starts Stupid 'Staches
2:24 hopalong1987: Monstrous Melons Make Marten Moisten
2:25 darkoneko: Merry Marigold Makes Marten Mopey
2:26 Tychomnger: Telephoning Tortura Takes Talent
2:26 hopalong1987: Clutz Cossette Contributes Clumsily
2:26 stgk: Admiring Angus' Ass Always Attracts
2:27 BearcatSarge: Deliberating Dale Draws Dangerous Desires
2:27 darkoneko: Angu's ass always attracts attention
2:27 coolfusis: Penetrating Penelope proves pleasurable
2:28 BearcatSarge: Waxing Will Warns Woefully
2:27 stgk: Sucking Steve Starts Sloppy Sexytimes
2:29 hopalong1987: Judging Jimbo's Jew Jokes Justifies Jelly Jam
2:29 stgk: Prodding Padma Procures Pleasant Playtime
2:30 Tychomnger: Pursuing Padma Proves Problematic
2:30 BearcatSarge: Egging Elliot Elicits Elegant Elevation
2:31 coolfusis: Ravishing Raven Relaxes Readily
2:31 hopalong1987: Faye's Felatio Finishes Fine Fillies Fourtimes Fortnightly
2:31 darkoneko: Faye finds fucking fantastic
2:31 BearcatSarge: Marrying Meena Means Massive Makeout
2:31 stgk: Raping Renee Risks Rotten, Rough Repercussions
2:32 darkoneko: pervert pitsize pretending poopy penetration
2:32 hopalong1987: Picturing Prepupesent Pornstars Pleased Pintsize
2:33 stgk: Wiggling Winslow Will Welcome Whimpers
2:33 emeraldbeacon: Jiggling Jimbo's Jewels Just (G)enerates Jism
2:33 coolfusis: Wanking Wil's Woody Wasn't Wonderful
2:33 BearcatSarge: Yammering Yellingbird Yowls "You Young Yaks!"
2:33 Tychomnger: Searching for Sarah Seems Senseless
2:35 BearcatSarge: Knowning Knavish Kneads Knack
2:35 stgk: Banging Bearcat Brings Babies
2:36 emeraldbeacon: Randy Readily Reciprocates Reintroductions
2:36 Tychomnger: Tickling Tai Translates into Tweets
2:37 stgk: LordofBays Loves Licking Lovers Listfully
2:37 Tychomnger: Arguing with Angus Accrues Anal
---------------------------------------------------------
After that, they started getting worse and worse... as if they weren't raunchy and awful already. People were getting mad. I actually accidentally pasted the same ones a few times and didn't copy others, it makes me sad because some really awesome ones were lost...
Anyway, that's all for now, thanks for reading!
J
Here are some QC themed Alliterations they've come up with! Woot!
2:21 KnavishSprite: Hugging Hannelore Heralds Heavy Hyperventilating
2:23 Tychomnger: Diddling Dora Delineates Deficiencies
2:23 darkoneko: Tickling Tai Takes The Talk
2:24 hopalong1987: Touching Tai Trrigers Tounge Tickling
2:24 Tychomnger: Probing Pintsize Pleases Properly
2:24 BearcatSarge: Stalking Steve Starts Stupid 'Staches
2:24 hopalong1987: Monstrous Melons Make Marten Moisten
2:25 darkoneko: Merry Marigold Makes Marten Mopey
2:26 Tychomnger: Telephoning Tortura Takes Talent
2:26 hopalong1987: Clutz Cossette Contributes Clumsily
2:26 stgk: Admiring Angus' Ass Always Attracts
2:27 BearcatSarge: Deliberating Dale Draws Dangerous Desires
2:27 darkoneko: Angu's ass always attracts attention
2:27 coolfusis: Penetrating Penelope proves pleasurable
2:28 BearcatSarge: Waxing Will Warns Woefully
2:27 stgk: Sucking Steve Starts Sloppy Sexytimes
2:29 hopalong1987: Judging Jimbo's Jew Jokes Justifies Jelly Jam
2:29 stgk: Prodding Padma Procures Pleasant Playtime
2:30 Tychomnger: Pursuing Padma Proves Problematic
2:30 BearcatSarge: Egging Elliot Elicits Elegant Elevation
2:31 coolfusis: Ravishing Raven Relaxes Readily
2:31 hopalong1987: Faye's Felatio Finishes Fine Fillies Fourtimes Fortnightly
2:31 darkoneko: Faye finds fucking fantastic
2:31 BearcatSarge: Marrying Meena Means Massive Makeout
2:31 stgk: Raping Renee Risks Rotten, Rough Repercussions
2:32 darkoneko: pervert pitsize pretending poopy penetration
2:32 hopalong1987: Picturing Prepupesent Pornstars Pleased Pintsize
2:33 stgk: Wiggling Winslow Will Welcome Whimpers
2:33 emeraldbeacon: Jiggling Jimbo's Jewels Just (G)enerates Jism
2:33 coolfusis: Wanking Wil's Woody Wasn't Wonderful
2:33 BearcatSarge: Yammering Yellingbird Yowls "You Young Yaks!"
2:33 Tychomnger: Searching for Sarah Seems Senseless
2:35 BearcatSarge: Knowning Knavish Kneads Knack
2:35 stgk: Banging Bearcat Brings Babies
2:36 emeraldbeacon: Randy Readily Reciprocates Reintroductions
2:36 Tychomnger: Tickling Tai Translates into Tweets
2:37 stgk: LordofBays Loves Licking Lovers Listfully
2:37 Tychomnger: Arguing with Angus Accrues Anal
---------------------------------------------------------
After that, they started getting worse and worse... as if they weren't raunchy and awful already. People were getting mad. I actually accidentally pasted the same ones a few times and didn't copy others, it makes me sad because some really awesome ones were lost...
Anyway, that's all for now, thanks for reading!
J
May 30, 2011
Movie Quotes Game!
1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
~Here we go guys! These are quotes from 15 of my favorite movies, not really in any specific order other than the way they popped into my head. The first to guess them all (or the most) will win my undying affection! The game is done once they've all been guessed!
-----------------------------------------------------
1~ "Helena. Helen. Helen-nun-nuh... it's a bit drab, isn't it? You know, you should think about changing that. Go for something with a bit of dignity and style, mixed with a bit of romance. Something like... 'Valentine'." / "Why? What's your name?" / "Valentine."
2~ "Yeah, I mean what are you? Just sitting back here, hating everyone? Who are you to judge anyone? God, I really loved you a lot. I couldn't stand it. I had to get with people. I couldn't have a life with you anymore."
3~ "Read it, control it, unhinge it. In the past it was often the Dark Lord's pleasure to invade the minds of his victims, creating visions designed to torture them into madness. Only after extracting the last exquisite ounce of agony, only when he had them literally begging for death would he finally... kill them. Used properly, the power of Occlumency will help shield you from access or influence. In these lessons I will attempt to penetrate your mind. You will attempt to resist. Prepare yourself! Legillimens!" 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' - Gene.
4~ "Your Majesty, I broke my promise. I opened the forbidden door. I'm very sorry." / "Hm. Your courage destroyed the Nightmare King and his evil kingdom is gone forever."
5~ "Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of old. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun." 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' - Austen.
6~ "Oh, believe me, that's enough! But the worst thing is, if you so much as set a foot in the Bog of Stench, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life. It'll never wash off."
7~ "But captain, to obey - just like that - for obedience's sake... without questioning... That's something only people like you do." 'Pan's Labyrinth' - graffiti.
8~ "Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army?" / "I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung." / "As long as you don't have flat feet." 'Across the Universe' - Gene.
9~ "A tree. There was a white tree in a courtyard of stone. It was dead. The city was burning." 'LOTR: Return of the King' - Richard.
10~ "His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something!"
11~ "You just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever." / "You'll be in a padded cell forever." / "Maybe we can share one. They'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds." 'The Dark Knight' - Gene.
12~ "That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks." 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' - Gene.
13~ "That? What just happened to you there? That's nothing, you just been playing around with a ghost, wait til somebody lets out the darkness in this place, that's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit, that's - you'll hate that shit."
14~ "I just want to lay with her so badly." / "I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her." / "She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother." / "Which was a BIG mistake, I see that now." 'Year One' - Amanda.
15~ "I can't believe I'm running from a cat!" / "I won't tell if you won't." / Of course, this isn't your ordinary house cat. This is like Arnold Schwarzen-kitty!" 'Homeward Bound' - Gene.
-----------------------------------------------------
SO take your best guesses everyone, and no cheating! I'll leave the comments page open to everyone, just leave your Twitter/Blogger/Real name and I'll announce the winner once its all over!
Thanks for playing!
J
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
~Here we go guys! These are quotes from 15 of my favorite movies, not really in any specific order other than the way they popped into my head. The first to guess them all (or the most) will win my undying affection! The game is done once they've all been guessed!
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1~ "Helena. Helen. Helen-nun-nuh... it's a bit drab, isn't it? You know, you should think about changing that. Go for something with a bit of dignity and style, mixed with a bit of romance. Something like... 'Valentine'." / "Why? What's your name?" / "Valentine."
2~ "Yeah, I mean what are you? Just sitting back here, hating everyone? Who are you to judge anyone? God, I really loved you a lot. I couldn't stand it. I had to get with people. I couldn't have a life with you anymore."
4~ "Your Majesty, I broke my promise. I opened the forbidden door. I'm very sorry." / "Hm. Your courage destroyed the Nightmare King and his evil kingdom is gone forever."
6~ "Oh, believe me, that's enough! But the worst thing is, if you so much as set a foot in the Bog of Stench, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life. It'll never wash off."
10~ "His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something!"
13~ "That? What just happened to you there? That's nothing, you just been playing around with a ghost, wait til somebody lets out the darkness in this place, that's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit, that's - you'll hate that shit."
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SO take your best guesses everyone, and no cheating! I'll leave the comments page open to everyone, just leave your Twitter/Blogger/Real name and I'll announce the winner once its all over!
Thanks for playing!
J
May 19, 2011
50 Random Facts!
So... I don't have anything to say, so instead I'll just tell you 50 random facts that some people may not know. But since my life is an open book, many people might already know.
So here we go! 50 random facts!
1. In high school, my home room teacher called me by the wrong name for 4 years, the only time he got my name right was the week of graduation, my senior year. I had to remind him of how to pronounce my name at graduation to avoid embarrassment.
2. I won an award at my senior graduation assembly for reading more books than anyone in the school.
3. I pierced my eyebrow when I was 15 years old, and just recently got it done again, and I love it. <3
4. I've been biting my nails my whole life. I've tried to stop a dozen times, and they will get long, and then I bite them off if one chips or breaks.
5. Technically I've only had two jobs, McDonalds and Target.
6. I also had three internships through the Upward Bound program while I was in high school: In the Summer of 2005 I worked for the USM Alumni Association organizing events and doing general office stuff, in the Summer of 2006 I worked for Binax Laboratories doing medical and scientific research, and categorizing scientific journals, and in the Summer of 2007 I worked for USM Biological as a Lab Assistant and I assisted in the raising and breeding of Manduca caterpillars.
7. I cry really easily, but I'm tough as nails as well.
8. I have two cats named Jade and Helen.
9. I've lived in Illinois for 2 years.
10. I've been away from home for over 3 years.
11. I once stapled my finger to a cork board in the third grade while helping out in the computer lab.
12.You'd never know it now, but I made High Honors in high school, and was accepted into every school I applied to, and I never even went to my number one choice.
13. I had a dalmatian named Snoop, and he passed away at 14 years old.
14. I have blue eyes.
15. I'm incredibly self-conscious about every aspect of my appearance and personality.
16. I think that everyone has good in them, even if they try to hide it by doing bad things.
17. Some day, I hope to have a career helping teenagers and children overcome the many emotional challenges that life throws at us all.
18. I have two younger sisters (5 months and 7 years old) and an older brother (22 years old), as well as two step sisters (13 and 16).
19. I don't have my license, and I am terrified to drive.
20. I love candles, oils, and incense.
21. I've always wanted to go to Germany and Ireland.
22. I've recently learned that I love wine. <3
23. I'm a little bit crazy, and a whole lot of awesome.
24. I dye my hair every couple months.
25. I say that I don't have very many/any friends, and I honestly believe it.
26. I have a video blog on YouTube.
27. I have a boyfriend, his name is Colby, and we've been together for over 2 years.
28. I tend to care too much about people, even people I don't know.
29. I love cartoons!
30. My favorite movie is Mirrormask! You've probably never heard of it.
31. I have a hot pink lamp sitting on my desk!
32. I own Mountain Dew flavored lip balm and it is delicious.
33. I have horrible, horrible skin, and despite trying dozens of products, I'm still hideous. Ugh.
34. I'm completely drug free. Except for alcohol.
35. I used to be a cheerleader, and a dancer (tap and jazz).
36. I played the clarinet for 9 years, and I was really good. I was first chair in every District Music Festival I ever attended. I miss it.
37. I taught myself how to play piano when I was younger, but I forgot how. I would love to play seriously again.
38. I used to sing, but after my voice changed I wasn't as good. I still love to sing but I'm self-conscious about it.
39. I want to learn to play the guitar!
40. Sometimes I want to just live on the streets.
41. I'm a writer.
42. I play World of Warcraft.
43. I love The Sims!
44. I am currently feeding 5 cats, the two I own, as well as two stray cats and a kitten.
45. The person I consider to be my best friend is almost a complete stranger to me.
46. I'm watching Family Guy right now.
47. I like to collect change in cups and jars!
48. I have big feet for a girl (size 10/11)!
49. My zodiac sign is Taurus, my Chinese zodiac sign is the Horse.
50. My bra size is 36 DDD.
So, that's that. Hope you learned something about me.
That's it for tonight, I'm contemplating making a Vlog as well, but I look really gross today... so I probably won't.
Byes!
J
So here we go! 50 random facts!
1. In high school, my home room teacher called me by the wrong name for 4 years, the only time he got my name right was the week of graduation, my senior year. I had to remind him of how to pronounce my name at graduation to avoid embarrassment.
2. I won an award at my senior graduation assembly for reading more books than anyone in the school.
3. I pierced my eyebrow when I was 15 years old, and just recently got it done again, and I love it. <3
4. I've been biting my nails my whole life. I've tried to stop a dozen times, and they will get long, and then I bite them off if one chips or breaks.
5. Technically I've only had two jobs, McDonalds and Target.
6. I also had three internships through the Upward Bound program while I was in high school: In the Summer of 2005 I worked for the USM Alumni Association organizing events and doing general office stuff, in the Summer of 2006 I worked for Binax Laboratories doing medical and scientific research, and categorizing scientific journals, and in the Summer of 2007 I worked for USM Biological as a Lab Assistant and I assisted in the raising and breeding of Manduca caterpillars.
7. I cry really easily, but I'm tough as nails as well.
8. I have two cats named Jade and Helen.
9. I've lived in Illinois for 2 years.
10. I've been away from home for over 3 years.
11. I once stapled my finger to a cork board in the third grade while helping out in the computer lab.
12.You'd never know it now, but I made High Honors in high school, and was accepted into every school I applied to, and I never even went to my number one choice.
13. I had a dalmatian named Snoop, and he passed away at 14 years old.
14. I have blue eyes.
15. I'm incredibly self-conscious about every aspect of my appearance and personality.
16. I think that everyone has good in them, even if they try to hide it by doing bad things.
17. Some day, I hope to have a career helping teenagers and children overcome the many emotional challenges that life throws at us all.
18. I have two younger sisters (5 months and 7 years old) and an older brother (22 years old), as well as two step sisters (13 and 16).
19. I don't have my license, and I am terrified to drive.
20. I love candles, oils, and incense.
21. I've always wanted to go to Germany and Ireland.
22. I've recently learned that I love wine. <3
23. I'm a little bit crazy, and a whole lot of awesome.
24. I dye my hair every couple months.
25. I say that I don't have very many/any friends, and I honestly believe it.
26. I have a video blog on YouTube.
27. I have a boyfriend, his name is Colby, and we've been together for over 2 years.
28. I tend to care too much about people, even people I don't know.
29. I love cartoons!
30. My favorite movie is Mirrormask! You've probably never heard of it.
31. I have a hot pink lamp sitting on my desk!
32. I own Mountain Dew flavored lip balm and it is delicious.
33. I have horrible, horrible skin, and despite trying dozens of products, I'm still hideous. Ugh.
34. I'm completely drug free. Except for alcohol.
35. I used to be a cheerleader, and a dancer (tap and jazz).
36. I played the clarinet for 9 years, and I was really good. I was first chair in every District Music Festival I ever attended. I miss it.
37. I taught myself how to play piano when I was younger, but I forgot how. I would love to play seriously again.
38. I used to sing, but after my voice changed I wasn't as good. I still love to sing but I'm self-conscious about it.
39. I want to learn to play the guitar!
40. Sometimes I want to just live on the streets.
41. I'm a writer.
42. I play World of Warcraft.
43. I love The Sims!
44. I am currently feeding 5 cats, the two I own, as well as two stray cats and a kitten.
45. The person I consider to be my best friend is almost a complete stranger to me.
46. I'm watching Family Guy right now.
47. I like to collect change in cups and jars!
48. I have big feet for a girl (size 10/11)!
49. My zodiac sign is Taurus, my Chinese zodiac sign is the Horse.
50. My bra size is 36 DDD.
So, that's that. Hope you learned something about me.
That's it for tonight, I'm contemplating making a Vlog as well, but I look really gross today... so I probably won't.
Byes!
J
May 14, 2011
Dust In The Wind
I close my eyes
Only for a moment
And the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Same old song
Just a drop of water
In the endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground
Though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Now, don't hang on
Nothing last forever
But the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money
Won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind.
I don't know why, but I feel empty. Hollow... and I just want to break down and cry. And scream. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to myself. To the people around me...
Only for a moment
And the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Same old song
Just a drop of water
In the endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground
Though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Now, don't hang on
Nothing last forever
But the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money
Won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind.
I don't know why, but I feel empty. Hollow... and I just want to break down and cry. And scream. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to myself. To the people around me...
21 Candles.
Hey, its been a while.
So I turned 21 on April 27th, but didn't really celebrate. Weird, I know.
Anyway, here's a video of Zach (guitar) and Sam and their cool little jam session they did in my apartment.
Yes, that's me in the background, being anti-social and playing WoW, or something. Colby and Kaleb are playing League of Legends, you can hear Kaleb get angry and shout at the game. Colby took the video.
Soooo, that's that.
What's happened recently, hmm. Colby left for Texas this morning, he'll be back on the 16th. I'm home alone. No car, no money, no friends. Hurray!
Pierced my eyebrow again on St. Patrick's Day, since the two places I went to for my tattoo were booked.
Still working at Target, got a nifty 7 cent raise and a really bad review. Still pissed about that.
Colby got fired, so that sucks.
Turned 21, but I already said that...
Things are... stable. Kind of. THINGS are stable, but I'm losing my fucking mind.
Anyway, thanks for reading, I'll write some other time when my head doesn't feel like its about to explode.
J
So I turned 21 on April 27th, but didn't really celebrate. Weird, I know.
Anyway, here's a video of Zach (guitar) and Sam and their cool little jam session they did in my apartment.
Yes, that's me in the background, being anti-social and playing WoW, or something. Colby and Kaleb are playing League of Legends, you can hear Kaleb get angry and shout at the game. Colby took the video.
Soooo, that's that.
What's happened recently, hmm. Colby left for Texas this morning, he'll be back on the 16th. I'm home alone. No car, no money, no friends. Hurray!
Pierced my eyebrow again on St. Patrick's Day, since the two places I went to for my tattoo were booked.
Still working at Target, got a nifty 7 cent raise and a really bad review. Still pissed about that.
Colby got fired, so that sucks.
Turned 21, but I already said that...
Things are... stable. Kind of. THINGS are stable, but I'm losing my fucking mind.
Anyway, thanks for reading, I'll write some other time when my head doesn't feel like its about to explode.
J
April 14, 2011
No Homo?
Love love love.
The first half of this made me laugh my ass off.
So did the rest of it though, because this girl is adorable.
Here's the YouTube link to her video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPcmdzVfYGo&feature=youtube_gdata_player
For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you'll get it.
J
April 9, 2011
April 5, 2011
I'll See You Somewhere In Dreamland...
My mom recently posted a status on Facebook:
"I dreamed last night of an old cartoon. One of the songs from it is a lullaby I used to sing to my daughter... 'I'll see you somewhere in Dreamland, somewhere in Dreamland tonight, under a bridge made of moonbeams, we'll find our clouds are silver-lined. Each little star is a castle, shining a welcome so bright. Dreams will come true for me and you, somewhere in Dreamland tonight.' =)"
It made me cry. It brought back so many memories, good and bad, and made me really miss my mother. I haven't seen her in 3 years, and I took her for granted to much when I lived in Maine. Now that I'm exposed to horrible parents and awful children on a daily basis, I realize how great my mom was, and how lucky I was to have her growing up. She made a lot of mistakes, but she made them with good intentions, and she made them for me, to try and give me a better future. I love her, and it hurts so much to know that I can't repair our relationship from this distance.
In case you've never heard the song, its from the 1936 cartoon movie 'Somewhere In Dreamland', and I used to watch it almost every day when I was very, very little. It just made me think of happier, more innocent times.
Ugh, I'm tearing up again...
Anyway, thanks for reading.
I'll see you somewhere in Dreamland...
J
"I dreamed last night of an old cartoon. One of the songs from it is a lullaby I used to sing to my daughter... 'I'll see you somewhere in Dreamland, somewhere in Dreamland tonight, under a bridge made of moonbeams, we'll find our clouds are silver-lined. Each little star is a castle, shining a welcome so bright. Dreams will come true for me and you, somewhere in Dreamland tonight.' =)"
It made me cry. It brought back so many memories, good and bad, and made me really miss my mother. I haven't seen her in 3 years, and I took her for granted to much when I lived in Maine. Now that I'm exposed to horrible parents and awful children on a daily basis, I realize how great my mom was, and how lucky I was to have her growing up. She made a lot of mistakes, but she made them with good intentions, and she made them for me, to try and give me a better future. I love her, and it hurts so much to know that I can't repair our relationship from this distance.
In case you've never heard the song, its from the 1936 cartoon movie 'Somewhere In Dreamland', and I used to watch it almost every day when I was very, very little. It just made me think of happier, more innocent times.
Ugh, I'm tearing up again...
Anyway, thanks for reading.
I'll see you somewhere in Dreamland...
J
April 4, 2011
100th Post
You know, if ignorance is bliss, then why aren't more people happy?
So, there is this woman who lives in my neighborhood, and every morning she gets in her car, turns up her music unnecessarily loud, and DRIVES TO HER MAILBOX which are right in front of the apartments. Literally less than 20 feet from the front doors. She isn't disabled, she's just lazy. She pulls onto the lawn in front of the building, opens all the doors of her car, and blasts this ridiculous music that can be heard about half a mile away, get her mail, and then sits there for 10 minutes, doors still wide open, and just stares off into space. I hate her. I really, really do. She usually parks right under my bedroom window, so I get to hear this obnoxious fiasco from start to finish. Starting under my window, to the front of the building where the boxes are.
Its so obnoxious. EVERY day she does this! She sometimes drives completely up onto the lawn and parks on the grass in front of the apartments below us, nowhere NEAR the driveway, and blasts her music for hours and hours. I've called the property owners and they've sent her notices but that's all they'll do. I've called the police, but they've never made an appearance (go figure). So what can I do? I'm too afraid to shout out to her because, lets face it, in this neighborhood I stand a good chance of getting shot.
What makes it worse is the losers in this area ENCOURAGE her and shout out requests from the balconies of other buildings. I hate them all. So very much.
I'm not even 21 (but in 23 days I will be), and already I hate so many people in this world. No one is concerned about how their actions affect others, and everyone is just so ignorant and inconsiderate. Fucking RUDE.
I don't know... am I the only one who sees it?
Thanks for reading... its too bad my 100th blog post had to be about some scum of the earth. Celebrations are in order?
Nope, I'm working 4:30-11:30 tonight. Fun fun fun!
Thanks for reading.
Jan
So, there is this woman who lives in my neighborhood, and every morning she gets in her car, turns up her music unnecessarily loud, and DRIVES TO HER MAILBOX which are right in front of the apartments. Literally less than 20 feet from the front doors. She isn't disabled, she's just lazy. She pulls onto the lawn in front of the building, opens all the doors of her car, and blasts this ridiculous music that can be heard about half a mile away, get her mail, and then sits there for 10 minutes, doors still wide open, and just stares off into space. I hate her. I really, really do. She usually parks right under my bedroom window, so I get to hear this obnoxious fiasco from start to finish. Starting under my window, to the front of the building where the boxes are.
Its so obnoxious. EVERY day she does this! She sometimes drives completely up onto the lawn and parks on the grass in front of the apartments below us, nowhere NEAR the driveway, and blasts her music for hours and hours. I've called the property owners and they've sent her notices but that's all they'll do. I've called the police, but they've never made an appearance (go figure). So what can I do? I'm too afraid to shout out to her because, lets face it, in this neighborhood I stand a good chance of getting shot.
What makes it worse is the losers in this area ENCOURAGE her and shout out requests from the balconies of other buildings. I hate them all. So very much.
I'm not even 21 (but in 23 days I will be), and already I hate so many people in this world. No one is concerned about how their actions affect others, and everyone is just so ignorant and inconsiderate. Fucking RUDE.
I don't know... am I the only one who sees it?
Thanks for reading... its too bad my 100th blog post had to be about some scum of the earth. Celebrations are in order?
Nope, I'm working 4:30-11:30 tonight. Fun fun fun!
Thanks for reading.
Jan
April 1, 2011
Let me Tell You A Story...
I was born on April 27th, 1990 in Biddeford, Maine to Anita Hall and Michael Daigle. My parents were never married, in fact they were never really together. I don't know all of the details of my parents' early relationship, in fact I have no idea how or when they even met, but I do know that it went downhill after I was born. when I was little, I thought my life was happy and normal, which is how I imagine most kids feel, but I found out later that it wasn't. My father is a thief, an addict, and a liar, and that fact is still ruining my life to this day. Exactly 8 months before I was born, on August 27th, 1989, my half brother, Dustin was born. He was conceived while my parents were "dating", his mother's name is Vickie, and I've only seen them a handful of times in my life.My father spent 90% of my childhood in prison, after stealing from my mother and everyone he knew. I have far too many memories of going to visit him with my grandparents (his parents) in a couple different prisons on Christmas and Thanksgiving, sometimes I would be taken there on weekends... but I had no idea who he was at the time. Just that I was supposed to accept and love him.
My mom raised me by herself, working multiple jobs at a time just so we could afford to stay in the apartments she rented. My father's parents, my grandmother Verna and grandfather Paul, would take me for days and days at a time while my mom worked, and it was like living on two different parents. My mom and I had nothing, our apartments were usually bare and empty, and even when I was young I knew that wasn't normal. But when I was with my grandparents, I felt spoiled. I was exposed to money, hobbies, and just how shallow people could really be.
I remember going camping in a huge RV with air conditioning and a TV with cable with all my cousins, and having my grandmother cook gourmet food and call it "roughing it". That RV was nicer than any apartment I had ever lived in. I hated it. My father's side of the family is all about money, and I've never had anything in common with my cousins, which made being raised around them difficult. I was always outcast, and that molded me into the pessimistic, depressing loner I am today.
My grandparents raised me until I was around 8 years old. My grandmother tried to force a number of things on me when I was little, such as acting, dancing, singing, painting and ceramics, cooking, and religion. Nothing ever stuck. I stopped singing, I stopped dancing, and the rest I never got into. I refused religion. Around the time I turned 6, my mom had started dating a man named Larry, and she is still with him to this day. Larry is an ass hole. But I'll get to tat later.My mom and my grandmother got into a fight, and no one would tell me what it was about. I stopped going to Sanford to see my grandparents and my mom went back to raising me herself, since she had landed herself a steady job. When I was 7, my mom and I moved out of our apartment in the city, into Larry's trailer in the country. Larry has a son named Michael, who is two months older than me. From day one we butted heads. We were always in the same classes, and we were constantly fighting and challenging each other to do stupid things.
I was a scrapper when I was young. Despite Michael being bigger than me, whenever he picked a fight with me, I always won. It got so bad one time that I pushed him out of our back door (we had no porch at the time), and he fell 4 feet and hit his head on a cement slab. I felt no remorse, but I was punished severely, despite the fact that he started the fight. He was always getting me into trouble.
Larry always thought his son was a perfect little angel, despite the fact that he failed every class he ever had, had severe behavioral problems, and constantly stole from my mom. Me? I did chorus and band, I played sports, and I made straight A's and was in Gifted and Talented classes in school. None of that was ever recognized. I hated it. I started to resent my mom and Larry, and everyone I came in contact with.Larry was a drinker, and an addict. He and my mom would yell and scream on a daily basis, and I can't even count the number of times I climbed out my bedroom window in the middle of the night and just ran away from it all. On a few occasions he would get physical with her in front of me, though I'm sure it was more often than just what I witnessed. I wasn't even in middle school and I knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it. He usually left me alone.
By the time I got into middle school, I was emotionally destroyed. I stopped playing sports, stopped hanging out with my friends, and stopped trying in school. I got my first C in the 6th grade and was devastated. I got my first F shortly after, and more followed. I had given up. By the time I was 11 years old, I started cutting myself. I didn't know what it was, but... it helped. I remember the first time it happened, I was sitting in my room listening to the arguing coming from the kitchen, and I broke the antenna off my radio. I used the jagged edge to carve a "Z" into my leg. After that, I couldn't stop.I think the only thing that really kept me from was my music. Every year since I started playing the clarinet, I was first chair. Every district music festival I attended, I was first chair. I felt talented and special. But it was still pure chaos around me.
When I was 13, my mom found a box cutter on the floor of the bathroom, and when she confronted me about it, I told her the truth. She put me in Sweetser counseling every Wednesday during school, my counselor's name was Geanie, and she became my best and only friend. When I got into high school Geanie remained my counselor and for once I was happy and normal. Towards the middle of the year, Geanie was transferred away, and I was devastated. I never saw another counselor after her, and never told my mom that I started cutting again.
Freshman year was rough for me, I still wasn't doing well in school, and I was associating with the senior stoners and the emo/goth kids. I just wanted to belong to something. I floated from boy to boy, trying to find someone to love me, to tell me that I was pretty and not a complete waste of space. I managed to hold a few relationships, but never anything serious. Then I met Mark.
Mark and I were best friends from the start. We had everything imaginable in common... and I thought I wanted to talk about him, but now I realize that it hurts too much to bring up all the things that he put me through when we were in high school together. when we were "together". It still hurts, and its fucking stupid. So moving on.Because of Mark, I went through high school mostly alone. I quit band and chorus and started focusing on school again. I got back on the honor roll, and started spending every second of free time in the library reading. I was on a first name basis with the librarians, and they let me check out extra books and never charged me late fees, they even let me eat lunch in the back of the library every day. I was miserable. I became a library aid my senior year, and won an award at the senior graduation assembly for reading. I read 1,000 books in 4 years.
Now, because I left out a lot about Mark, I left out a massive chunk of my life. but here's the gist of it: Mark got me into world of Warcraft, but after years of him tearing out my heart and making me want to end my life, I gave up on him and became involved with a boy who lived in Missouri, his name was Matt. It may sound crazy to anyone who has never played the game, but its almost impossible to NOT develop personal feelings for people you spend so much of your life with. So we started dating towards the end of my junior year.
During school I was involved in the Upward Bound program, which helped me prepare myself for college. While UB was one of the best experiences of my life, it made me feel even less significant. I never really thought I'd live long enough to graduate. But thanks to Matt, I found the strength to get out of bed every day and make it to graduation. He convinced me to apply to the same school he was going to, and when I was accepted, he convinced me to fly to Missouri and stay with him and his family, before we went to college together. Long story short... all my loans well through when the economy collapsed, so after a year of college I was forced to fly back to the United States alone for the Summer to find a job to finish paying for school.I fell in love with someone else while in college, but didn't realize it until later. At the time he was my best friend through WoW, but when I told him I needed a place to stay, since there was no way I could return home, he let me stay with him.
I fell in love with Colby, and Matt and I ended our relationship, and our friendship. I was devastated.
Colby and I have been together for almost two years. Our 2 year anniversary is April 27th, my 21st birthday. We've been having a hard time lately, and sometimes it seems pointless to continue trying to fix what's left of our relationship, but there are good times too. Despite the stress and the fighting, we love each other, and I know it would be so much easier without the stress of money and our jobs tearing us down.I left a lot out... details about my sisters (Desiree, Miranda, and Brianna), things about Dustin (he is currently in prison and hates me), details about high school and college... but honestly, if I were to write it all out, we'd be here all night. So there, that's a nice little glimpse into my brain. So now all of you who complain about me being too emotional or too talkative on Facebook/Twitter can either accept that this is who I am, or you can fuck off.
I love you Colby, please don't forget that, and please don't give up on me, or us. I know we fight, and butt heads constantly, but I'd like to think that we'll some day find peace. I don't know where I'd be without you. It hurts too much to think of ever losing you.
Thank you for reading.
J
March 30, 2011
Numbness
<--- I forgot to mention in my previous blog, I re-pierced my eyebrow. I'm not 100% in love with the loop, as soon as it heals I'm putting a stud in.For now, I've regained a little bit of stability. Last night, I lost it. After nonstop fighting with Colby, I reached my boiling point. I didn't know what to do anymore. He left the apartment without a word, and after a few hours, I couldn't stand the silence or the frustration, so I went for a very, very long walk down the highway in the rain. I didn't really have a destination in mind, and I didn't really care where I was going, but wound up going to Rally's. Got a Double Rally Burger w/ Cheese, just in case you wondering, haha. The girl was very sweet, she pretty much forced a soda on me though, which was fine because I did end up saving money, and I was thirsty anyway.
I also remembered to turn in my application at the gas station up the street, and talked for a few minutes with the attendant, she was the same girl who gave me the application, almost a month ago, and told me they are still hiring and are doing interviews now. She's nice. We talked about insomnia and such things...
About a quarter mile from my apartment (just after I left) a silver van went by me and honked their horn, scaring the hell out of me. He then did a U-turn and pulled over on the other side of the road, asking me if I wanted a ride, the conversation went a little something like this:
Man: Hey, you need a ride?
Me: No thanks, I'm good.
Man: Come on, its cold and raining, hop in.
Me: I'll be okay, I don't have very far to go.
Man: Its not like I'm going to hurt you or anything, I just want you out of the rain. Please?
Now, let me remind you. It is dark and raining, and this is a complete stranger. Why the HELL would you say "I'm not going to hurt you or anything" to someone? Like that is a comforting thing to say AT ALL. Anyway.
Me: No, I'm fine, thank you though.
Man: Are you sure? Last chance?
He's actually slowly following me from the other side of the road at this point.
Me: Positive, have a nice night.
Then he left. That always happens to me on that road. Day or night. What do you think, did he mean well, or was he being creepy?
I was pretty messed up last night, for so many reasons. It is still lingering there, waiting for me to snap... It was pretty much the apex of everything that's been going on with me lately. I had to fight with myself the whole walk. I almost wanted to throw myself in front of every semi that drove by (I counted 6 total). But as you can see, I'm fine. Physically. Kind of. Blah.
Anyway, work tonight from 4:30-11.
I really hope its a good night...
I suppose that's all for now.
Thanks for reading.
J
March 28, 2011
The Storm
A poem/song I wrote a few years back... Meh.
Behind closed doors
There's no one there to listen
No one there to judge
She closes her eyes
And starts to cry
Outside her walls rages a storm.
She hears their voices
Shouting loud
She screams but she can't get out
Her head is spinning
She's had too much
She's had enough.
Climbing up
The ladder of her life
She's so afraid of falling down
Challenging herself
Saying she'll stand up
But she's too afraid of breaking down.
Behind closed doors
There's no one there to listen
No one there to judge
She closes her eyes
And starts to cry
Outside her walls rages a storm.
Holding onto her heart
She turns the knob
Voices tear into her head
She takes a breath
And another step
Determined to stop it all.
The voice she hears
Is not her own
A new cry that she has never known
Dropping to her knees
She begs and pleads
While inside her heart keeps beating.
Behind closed doors
There's no one there to listen
No one there to judge
She closes her eyes and starts to cry
Outside her walls are clearing skies.
Outside her walls are clearing skies.
Behind closed doors
There's no one there to listen
No one there to judge
She closes her eyes
And starts to cry
Outside her walls rages a storm.
She hears their voices
Shouting loud
She screams but she can't get out
Her head is spinning
She's had too much
She's had enough.
Climbing up
The ladder of her life
She's so afraid of falling down
Challenging herself
Saying she'll stand up
But she's too afraid of breaking down.
Behind closed doors
There's no one there to listen
No one there to judge
She closes her eyes
And starts to cry
Outside her walls rages a storm.
Holding onto her heart
She turns the knob
Voices tear into her head
She takes a breath
And another step
Determined to stop it all.
The voice she hears
Is not her own
A new cry that she has never known
Dropping to her knees
She begs and pleads
While inside her heart keeps beating.
Behind closed doors
There's no one there to listen
No one there to judge
She closes her eyes and starts to cry
Outside her walls are clearing skies.
Outside her walls are clearing skies.
Resurrection!
Hellooo Bloggers!
(Before I go any further please excuse any silly typos you come across, half the buttons on Colby's keyboard are semi-broken and need to be pounded on to work... too much gaming!)
Yeah, I'm still alive. For the most part anyway. For those of you who are not my friends, or don't keep up with my Twitter feed (basically you would have had to not glance at it once for the last 5 or 6 months), I am STILL without a computer. This past November I was in the middle of watching a very intense episode of House on Hulu when my computer just... fried. Crackling sound in my headset, white screen of death. I turn it on from time to time just to instill a little hop in my heart, then to dash it all away as soon as the white screen appears. It really is heartbreaking...
I'm accepting donations. ;)
Let's see, what have you missed... I'm still living in the same apartment, only now the lease is up so we're looking for a new place. Kind of. Yep, still with Colby as well. We have our ups and downs, more downs as of late, but we still love each other. I'm still working at Target, no promotion or raise in sight, but I've only been there 7 months. I like my job, its a hell of a lot better than working at McDonalds, but... it is really taxing. Incredibly stressful.
I work my ass off and it never seems to be enough, story of my life, right? I don't know, maybe I'm really bad at my job and I just don't see it, and people are too nice to point it out to me? I'm not sure, but it is taking it is toll on me. I feel like I put too much of myself into everything I do, and I really let my job performance get to me. So, for me to think I'm having a good night and that my zone is coming along nicely... and then to have someone completely shit all over it (not literally...) it really affects me. And I always let it show. They know what they're doing to me.
Anyway, enough about Target. I have today and tomorrow off, and I have no plans at all. I completely revamped my blog, and I'm excited to get back into writing, both blogs and posting my poetry again.
OH, I was writing a novel for NaNoWriMo, but after almost 25,000 words I slowed down, and then all that shit with my computer... so yeah. I still have the whole story mapped out in my head.
(Spoiler alert) If you want to know roughly what my book is about, I suggest you go back a few months on my blog and read about my dream about the androids...
ALSO, you should check out my YouTube channel and watch my Vlogs. Once again, haven't updated in a while, but I'm planning to just do them directly from my digital camera... should be fun.
http://www.youtube.com/user/SteppingStone08?feature=mhum <--- Check ittt.
Well, thanks for reading, back to trolling around Twitter.
;)
J
(Before I go any further please excuse any silly typos you come across, half the buttons on Colby's keyboard are semi-broken and need to be pounded on to work... too much gaming!)
Yeah, I'm still alive. For the most part anyway. For those of you who are not my friends, or don't keep up with my Twitter feed (basically you would have had to not glance at it once for the last 5 or 6 months), I am STILL without a computer. This past November I was in the middle of watching a very intense episode of House on Hulu when my computer just... fried. Crackling sound in my headset, white screen of death. I turn it on from time to time just to instill a little hop in my heart, then to dash it all away as soon as the white screen appears. It really is heartbreaking...
I'm accepting donations. ;)
Let's see, what have you missed... I'm still living in the same apartment, only now the lease is up so we're looking for a new place. Kind of. Yep, still with Colby as well. We have our ups and downs, more downs as of late, but we still love each other. I'm still working at Target, no promotion or raise in sight, but I've only been there 7 months. I like my job, its a hell of a lot better than working at McDonalds, but... it is really taxing. Incredibly stressful.
I work my ass off and it never seems to be enough, story of my life, right? I don't know, maybe I'm really bad at my job and I just don't see it, and people are too nice to point it out to me? I'm not sure, but it is taking it is toll on me. I feel like I put too much of myself into everything I do, and I really let my job performance get to me. So, for me to think I'm having a good night and that my zone is coming along nicely... and then to have someone completely shit all over it (not literally...) it really affects me. And I always let it show. They know what they're doing to me.
Anyway, enough about Target. I have today and tomorrow off, and I have no plans at all. I completely revamped my blog, and I'm excited to get back into writing, both blogs and posting my poetry again.
OH, I was writing a novel for NaNoWriMo, but after almost 25,000 words I slowed down, and then all that shit with my computer... so yeah. I still have the whole story mapped out in my head.
(Spoiler alert) If you want to know roughly what my book is about, I suggest you go back a few months on my blog and read about my dream about the androids...
ALSO, you should check out my YouTube channel and watch my Vlogs. Once again, haven't updated in a while, but I'm planning to just do them directly from my digital camera... should be fun.
http://www.youtube.com/user/SteppingStone08?feature=mhum <--- Check ittt.
Well, thanks for reading, back to trolling around Twitter.
;)
J
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