Numbness

<--- I forgot to mention in my previous blog, I re-pierced my eyebrow. I'm not 100% in love with the loop, as soon as it heals I'm putting a stud in.

For now, I've regained a little bit of stability. Last night, I lost it. After nonstop fighting with Colby, I reached my boiling point. I didn't know what to do anymore. He left the apartment without a word, and after a few hours, I couldn't stand the silence or the frustration, so I went for a very, very long walk down the highway in the rain. I didn't really have a destination in mind, and I didn't really care where I was going, but wound up going to Rally's. Got a Double Rally Burger w/ Cheese, just in case you wondering, haha. The girl was very sweet, she pretty much forced a soda on me though, which was fine because I did end up saving money, and I was thirsty anyway.

I also remembered to turn in my application at the gas station up the street, and talked for a few minutes with the attendant, she was the same girl who gave me the application, almost a month ago, and told me they are still hiring and are doing interviews now. She's nice. We talked about insomnia and such things...

About a quarter mile from my apartment (just after I left) a silver van went by me and honked their horn, scaring the hell out of me. He then did a U-turn and pulled over on the other side of the road, asking me if I wanted a ride, the conversation went a little something like this:

Man: Hey, you need a ride?
Me: No thanks, I'm good.
Man: Come on, its cold and raining, hop in.
Me: I'll be okay, I don't have very far to go.
Man: Its not like I'm going to hurt you or anything, I just want you out of the rain. Please?

Now, let me remind you. It is dark and raining, and this is a complete stranger. Why the HELL would you say "I'm not going to hurt you or anything" to someone? Like that is a comforting thing to say AT ALL. Anyway.

Me: No, I'm fine, thank you though.
Man: Are you sure? Last chance?

He's actually slowly following me from the other side of the road at this point.

Me: Positive, have a nice night.

Then he left. That always happens to me on that road. Day or night. What do you think, did he mean well, or was he being creepy?

I was pretty messed up last night, for so many reasons. It is still lingering there, waiting for me to snap... It was pretty much the apex of everything that's been going on with me lately. I had to fight with myself the whole walk. I almost wanted to throw myself in front of every semi that drove by (I counted 6 total). But as you can see, I'm fine. Physically. Kind of. Blah.

Anyway, work tonight from 4:30-11.
I really hope its a good night...

I suppose that's all for now.
Thanks for reading.

J