New Diet.

Very strict eating... very little calories.
Aiming for 3 meals - less than 500 calories a day.
Probably unhealthy? Oh well.
Working out as well, very customized routine from a bunch of Denise Richards tapes, targeting all my "problem" areas.

I'm sore and feel great.
I'm hungry.
Cravings are the worst.
I have support though... and I am determined to look acceptable in my own eyes.

J

Wow.

What the hell did I ever see in you?
You're a conceited, self righteous, asshole.
I gave up my whole fucking life for you.
For us.
I'm tired of feeling bad about what happened.
I did it because I wasn't happy.
I was unhappy for a long time, but I was hanging on.
Hanging on to hope, hoping you'd act like you did when we first met.
When you actually cared, when you had a fucking heart.
Fuck you, seriously.
But fine, it is closure.
I never have to fucking talk to you again.
I never have to see your face.
I hope that blond bimbo you're banging gives you herpes.

I'm done.
I'm very angry, and very hurt.

Fucker.

Huh.

Sex dreams about ex boyfriends are not cool.
They unnerve me, and I don't like that.
Matt still hasn't sent me my money, I don't think he plans to.
Whatever, I'm not going to chase him down.
I thought he was better than that, I guess 4 years of friendship was just a lie.
I was too blinded to see the real him.
I have to work this weekend, 6-2 both days, pretty gross.
Colby and I have been talking, about a lot of things. I think we've decided to just stay in our apartment, no matter how frustrating it is. We don't have the money right now to be putting down deposits on new apartments.
Another option is to move in with his aunt, I like her, but I don't want to.
I mean... we're 20 years old. His cousin Logan is in the military so he won't be home, but he has two much younger pain in the ass cousins.
You know, I could probably make some money babysitting though... who knows?
Or just babysit for free since she'd let me live upstairs.
I don't know.
I've been collecting toys for my little sister, the three girls are all officially adopted as of the 20th. Miranda changed her name, I don't know what it is.

Goodnight.

J

Last Night...

I got 14 hours of sleep.
I my dreams consisted of the following:

1) A large volcano, dragons, prisoners in shackles and cages, torture, lava, and a demon lord who wanted to make me his queen after witnessing how I cared for his dragons, despite being a prisoner.

2) McDonalds turned into a luau restaurant on the beach, walls were made out of reeds and all that, sand floor, and I ended up being an hour late. Running around, like a normal day, hitting on Emily who was wearing a red bikini, my mom comes through drive-thru with Mike and his mom, I cry. I go out back and hang out with Alex who is sitting on a rock really upset. We walk up to this waterfall and meet up with Colby, my old friend Adara from high school, and two other guys I don't know, and we just sit there, we never go back to work.

3) I'm walking up the street, everything was really bright, I got into a random car, and there was a kid driving, probably 12 or so years old. He was weaving in and out of cars, we were both freaking out. We end up in this huge parking garage next to this kid's school, and I walk away and go to the beach, where I meet up with Colby who is messing around in the water just being silly. I end up competing with these two girls about catching crabs, starfish, things of that nature... and then I catch a seahorse and win.

4) Colby and I are at an amusement part, and we run into this other couple I guess we knew from somewhere, and we end up all just hanging out the whole day... the end of the dream is naughty, so no more details.


There were more dreams... and a lot more detail... I'm not in the mood to deal with any of it.

Have a great day.

J

Omegle.

Chatting with random strangers, sometimes leads to something nice.
I may never talk to him again, but this guy from the UK was really awesome to talk to. Many hours, many words, lots of fun.


Stranger: cool, I think I'll watch some Big Bang Theory after talking to you
You: Wee, glad I could spread the love
Stranger: yeah nice one!
Stranger: I dont have a TV but I can watch online
You: That works =]
Stranger: yay!
You: You know what always makes me sad about closing Omegle?
You: sometimes you meet really cool people, but you will never be able to find them again
You: And finding them on Facebook/Myspace/Twitter or whatever kind of loses meaning
You: =P
Stranger: yeah I know exactly what you mean
Stranger: its really kinda sad
You: It is... but its nice to talk to nice people in the world
Stranger: yeah thats true, but when you think about it, isnt it kind of pointless?
You: Pointless? o.o
Stranger: dont get me wrong I like meeting nice people like yourself, but I'm not gonna talk to you again
You: Ooh yeah I know what you mean
You: BUT its a good way to pass time, right? =P
You: I mean sure you could have been cybering and trading nudes with some cute girl from australia or germany
You: But you met someone awesome like me! =D
Stranger: thats right! You're ultra mega awesome!
You: WOW that's a lot of awesome!
You: You're not so bad yourself =]]
Stranger: I already knew that
Stranger: I love myself too much
You: Haha, thats not such a bad quality to have
You: Much better than hating yourself!
Stranger: I also hate myself, I have crazy mood swings
You: Me too... but I'm also female
You: =P
Stranger: sexist!
Stranger: against yourself
You: BUT true!
Stranger: I am so offended...
Stranger: jk
You: did I offend your glirious vagina? o.O
Stranger: yeah you did
You: =[[ Sorrryyyy
Stranger: haha its ok
You: =D


Thank you Omegle!

J

What?

I don't know what to say, things are pretty fast paced right now.
HUGE inspection tomorrow and Friday, I'm working crappy hours and it will be crazy stressful and hectic. We've been preparing and cleaning and reviewing and teaching and all that stuff, getting ready for this stupid thing.

Colby and I are looking for a new apartment still, but I now have three solid choices to choose from, and I'm getting excited. Tyler is going to move in with us in less than a month, and he's going to leave all the crazy bullshit behind him. He kissed some girl tonight, he was hanging out with a bunch of girls, all crazy about him, and now there's all this drama. He's cool though, not letting it bother him, I'm proud of him.

Payday tomorrow, crazy happy about that, its gunna be a BIG check, I've been working insane hours and even doing overtime. Blowing off rent and bogus utility bills, we're just going to leave. We don't legally owe this bitch anything, and she should be happy we don't have her arrested.

BUT it is time to go to bed.
Early work hours.
New CSI now.
Shower.

J

...

I think I'm finally losing it. I can't keep doing this to myself... it hurts so much.

French. Very French.

I'm French. Hardcore French to the bone. I am the descendant of Samuel de Champlain, the man who founded Montreal, it is true. I'm proud of my heritage, even if it isn't anything exotic and special.

My grandmother's side of the family (as in my mom's mom) is predominantly French. My mother's father's side is VERY Irish. He once had a bright orange afro, I have pictures somewhere, it is fantastic.

My dad's side is 100% French. I'm about... I don't know, 65-70% French. I'm also Irish, English, Indian, and a little big of something else no one knows about.

Here are some pictures from my last family reunion from 2000. Maybe 2001?

Lafrance Family:


Descendants of:
Hilaire Cartier dit Lafrance & Marie Laurendeau
Married 13 July 1896
Ste Anne, Danville, Québec


Simonne Lafrance & Euclide Côté
13 May 1939
Sanford, Maine


I am the youngest descendant of the Simonne family. This my mother, my great aunt Priscilla, and myself. I was maybe 10 when this picture was taken.


First cousins, my great aunt Priscilla is the woman in the wheel chair.


Second cousins... my aunts and uncles. My mom is fifth from the right.


A good chunk of my cousins on my mother's side of the family... can you find me?
There are two fourth cousins in this picture too, two little babies.


This is where I come from.
Haha... goodnight.

J

Inspired By A Fellower Sufferer, Fast Food Rant.

Inspired by http://talkofcake.livejournal.com/260081.html, I need to get some things off my chest.

1) I work at McDonalds, and I get it, it isn't the most glamorous job, I don't have a five figure salary, and I have to wear a stupid uniform. This does not make me uneducated, dirty, or pathetic. It means I am a teenager, and I have not yet gotten a degree that allows me to GET such a job.

2) On the same note, for those of you high school kids who come in and treat me like shit because you think you're high and mighty because you don't have to work in fast food, I would ditch that mentality, because I'm willing to bet once you get to college (assuming you ever do), you will have to work in a similar field to get some extra money.

3) I work at the register eight hours a day, 5 days a week. I know the menu and the prices my heart, as well as what does/does not come on them. When you order a number 12, I will ring it up as a number 12. If you then tell me that I rang it in wrong and you actually wanted a number 11, that is not my fault. Just because YOU don't know the menu, that does not make me stupid.

4) The menus have the number with the name of the meal, as well as a picture of the meal above it. I understand that you want to see what the meal looks like, but you NEED TO KNOW THE NAME. So when you stand there and try to point to a picture 10 feet over my head from 8 feet away, and then get angry when I ask you the name, it does NOT help. Learn the name of the order you get every damn day, and stop relying on pictures.

5) I understand, people want hot fries, I even love hot fries. But when you come in during the busiest hour of the day and demand hot, fresh fries, then watch me put them into the grease, do not interrupt the other customers by telling me that they are done, and that you want them "now". You will HEAR when they are done, a beeper goes off, you'll hear it. As much as you'd love for my world to revolve around your one order, your fries will still be hot and dripping with grease within the 15 seconds it takes me to finish up the next order. Chill out.

6) If something is wrong with your order, kindly wait in line, or step to the side and wait for me to acknowledge you. DO NOT stick your arm out and shove your food in my face, yelling and interrupting another customer because you asked for extra pickles and there are only 4 on your burger. Be considerate, be patient.

7) I know this is not at every restaurant, but at mine, our store manager likes for us to write the customers' first names on their receipts, it just makes it easier to hand out orders when we are busy. If there are 5 people with "Double cheese burger meals" and we call one out, someone who has been waiting 2 minutes might take the food from someone who has been waiting 10 minutes. Sure, not everyone wants to have their name called out, they want privacy or whatever, I respect that, but when you get ANGRY at me and tell me very impolitely that you refuse to give me my name and that it is none of my business, blah blah blah, without even asking me WHY I need your name, that is just inappropriate. On that same note, for all you guys who like for me to write "Rick James Bitch" on your receipt, FUCK you. If you don't want to take it seriously, I will gladly let someone else take your food.

8) We have a kid friendly restaurant, with a computer play place. I understand that kids don't want to sit still and want to play, but please, WATCH them! Behind the counter is VERY dangerous for a child running around, and if I have to chase your two year old into the grill area while you laugh and take pictures, I will ask you and your kid to leave. Have some responsibility and take care of your child's SAFETY. This is not Chuck E' Cheese.

9) EVERY time you order coffee, I ask if you want cream or sugar. If you say "No." then I will not give you any. Don't come up 5 minutes later and bitch at me because you want cream and sugar, that is why I ASK you. If you want some, then don't say no!

10) This is not Starbucks. Yes, we have coffee, mocha, lattes, and cappuccinos. If you ask me for a non-fat hazelnut caramel mocha frappuccino, I will look at you weird. I will tell you what we have. EXACTLY what we have. If you keep asking me "Well, do you have such and such?" I will get annoyed. This goes for ANYTHING. If I tell you what we have, and if you ask if we have something else, I will get frustrated. I'm not trying to HIDE anything wrong you, there are no damn secrets. What we have is what I tell you, get that through your head.

11) If you order something, know what is in it. If you don't know, then ask. If you order a number 10, Southern Style Chicken sandwich, you should know that it is a crispy chicken patty with butter and pickles, that is all. If you want something, I can add it, but if you don't ask, you will get the sandwich as such. Don't come up and demand a new FREE sandwich because, "All that is on it is pickles." Um... yeah. That IS the sandwich.

12) If you order breakfast at 10:29, when we start lunch at 10:30, we will kindly tell you that your biscuit, or Mcgriddle, or whatever, will take a few extra minutes because we are changing over and it has to be made separately. PLEASE, for the love of all things happy, TELL whoever is outside waiting for you that you are waiting! The last thing that we need while we are rushing to change everything over, is a big angry black man storming in, pushing people out of line, and cussing up a storm, calling everyone in the front "assholes" and "mother fuckers" because you didn't tell him that it was going to be a 4 minute wait on your food.

13) Also, arguing, name calling, and harassing whoever is taking the orders about how long it is taking will NOT make it go any faster. I DO NOT make your food, I just ring it up. Calling me names and telling me that you want your food NOW will not help. It really won't, I promise. When your food is done, it will come out. If we are holding on something, if we need meat cooked, I will tell you. I will ask you if you'd like to wait or order something else. If you choose to wait, stand their and shut your mouth.

14) There are two drive-thru lanes at my store. When I am in the "hole" taking drive-thru orders on both lanes, as well as taking money, it takes patience and concentration on both of our parts. I will ask you to wait. It isn't that I am ignoring you, I am just taking someone else's order/money. If I switch back to your lane and hear you screaming your order at me angrily after I just told you to politely hold, I will not be a happy camper.

15) I understand that we don't all have time to wipe down the table and push in the chairs after we eat, but some people do, to be considerate, and I thank them. But for those of you who this that we are your waiters and waitresses, that it is OUR job to clean up your sticky messes you leave on the tables, to pick up your trays full of food, and to peal smiley faces made out of bacon off the tables, you are wrong. Also, if you spilled something, or see a spill, TELL SOMEONE! For fuck's sake do not threaten to report our restaurant for being dirty, how can we possibly know about spills if no one tells us?!

16) We have machines that check to see whether $50 and $100 bills are real or not. It isn't common, but if your $100 rings in as "fake" I will ring it as many times as you like. But if it keeps beeping red, do not yell at me. Do not tell me that our machine is broken, and do not make remarks like "Well I guess McDonalds just doesn't take $100 bills." That... does not make sense. I will let you talk to a manager, or whatever you want. But it is not my fault. Go away, and take your fake money with you.

17) Sometimes we have unisex toys, such as our latest Alvin and the chipmunks toys. We only have ONE chipmunk out front at all times, so that people can collect them all. There is no "boy" or "girl" toy, even though there are boy and girl chipmunks, we encountered this with the Avatar toys as well. Do not demand that I go and open a new box in the back and hunt out toy number #2 for this child, toy number #6 for this child and toy number #1 for this child, because I can not do that. You can trade toys at ANY McDonalds store, so please, do that.

18) If you want some sort of sauce, as for it when you make your order. Do not stand there looking like a fool, expecting me to hand you 5 BBQ, 3 ranch cups, 17 ketchup, and 4 mustard... because why would I? If you don't ask, how am I supposed to know?

19) There are certain sauces that we do not keep in the grill area, e.g. Hot mustard. But we do have hot mustard cups at the registers and in the running area. If you want, I will GLADLY give you some to put on your burger. But what I will not do is force a grill person to open these little cups for you and douse your sandwich, when you are very much capable. Nor will I do it on my counter, so don't ask.

20) I already mentioned this but it bears repeating. If there is something WRONG with how your sandwich was made, e.g. you asked for extra pickles and no onions, and there were onions on your sandwich, I will gladly take your sandwich and have it remade for you. DO NOT have a hissy fit and take apart your sandwich and pile up all your onions on the counter. Not only is this completely asinine and inappropriate, it is compltely disgusting!



I guess that's all. And for those of you who come to McDonalds just to get a small cup of water... I have to ring that up. And since it is free, I need a manager to put their code in. I need a manager to do a lot of things, such as:

1) Cash out your order if you have a coupon for everything, and it is free.
2) If you pay with a $100 bill.
3) To open my drawer for any reason.
4) To print out a second receipt.
5) To give you a refund.

There are other times, but my point is there are a lot of things that I can not do. So please be patient while I grab someone. And they are not always happy to help someone else, so they may take their slow sweet time and mumble under their breath. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do.

Back to work tomorrow.
Oh. Joy.

J

Season Finale, Apt Hunting, Taxes.

Season two of Sanctuary ends tonight.
My landlady is a psychotic bitch.
Eric's daddy is doing my tax returns.

None of these are related, but these things make up my day.
I have the weekend off.

We'll see.
I found a cute studio apartment.

J

People I Love and Miss... Pictures.

I could write a list, but I'd rather show you some of my memories, some of the best people in my life. Here they are.



My baby sister... this was taking in my front yard back home. That's my grandmother.



My mother and I in our backyard...



April, myself, Danielle, Theoni, Kat, and Barbara in Central Park, NYC. Upward Bound senior trip. The day of the Harry Potter release.



Kevin, Barbara, myself, Codi, and Tiffany at Sebago Lake! Upward Bound summer, that lifeguard was a WHORE!



Kat, Barbara, myself, and Codi in New york City at ground zero...



Upward Bound Summer planning... Barbara and Kevin. I love them so much!



Adam Joppa... he came to visit me. I miss him so much... we went to the mall and hung out for hours. I hugged him, and he flew back home...



Chad, Mark, Adara, and myself in the library... I miss those days...



Codi and I in JMG.



Adam and I in JMG... love this picture.



Playground with Codi, JMG field trip. I miss that class!!!



Codi and I before Taste of Chaos! That was an amazing night.



Me and Adam... I love this picture. We were sitting at our normal table we sat at every morning for years... I miss that gang.



Beginning of senior year, Adam, myself, and Mark. Senior pride!



Codi, myself, Adam, and Mark... we made it, after everything we went through.



All of us, again. I miss these times.
I'm sad now looking at those.
But it is a good sad.
I miss them.
I do.

Goodnight.

J

Chipmunks!

For those who don't know, McDonalds has all 6 Alvin and the Chipmunks toys, and we are giving them out with Happy Meals or without for 99 cents.

Anyway, talked to my manager today, I'm going to get all 6 for free and send them to my little sister, she'll love them, and I'll feel just a little bit closer to my golden haired little sister. I miss that girl... she's 5 years old... time flies.

Here's a picture of her... she's gorgeous.




Beautiful, isn't she?
These are the most recent pictures I have of her, from my sisters' trip to Florida.
I miss that little girl so much, all three of them.
I only have one picture of the three of us, from my sister's third birthday...
I look at it a lot.
My angel.



Oh, and this is something random I found in my email.
Proof that I was attractive... once.



Yeah...sophomore year, under the bleachers at a football game.
I miss those days... hanging out with Adam (he's the one who took the pic), Mark, Tiffany, Ashley, Katie... I miss everyone.

Goodnight all.

J

Random Memories.

I was sitting in the truck coming home from work when I just randomly remembered a very mean joke Billy and Bobby Gardella played on me in the 6th grade. I had the biggest crush on Billy, he was in the same homeroom as me, and Bobby was his older brother, two years older than us. I liked them both, but you know the old saying where boys who like girls hurt them? Well, he did.

There was another boy in my class named Travis Dodge, he liked me. We both really liked Harry Potter, and we were probably the smartest kids in our English class. There were dances every Saturday, and I went to all of them with my friends. On this particular night, I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends, having a great time dancing and laughing. My friend Scott told me he had found a flier on the wall that I needed to see. It was an AIM conversation between Billy and "me". The screen name was something like "janicehall" and some random numbers. That's my full name, but that isn't how it is spelled.

Someone had made a fake AIM using my name and had a conversation with Billy, saying all kinds of nasty, untrue things. I later found out that it was Travis, and that he was working together with Billy and his brother. They printed out a few dozen of these AIM "conversations" and posted them all over the hallway and the gym. When I confronted them, they just laughed, and there was nothing I could do except gather my friends and tear down all the papers I could find.

I was so shy... still am. I never hurt anyone, I tried to be friends to everyone, even people I knew didn't like me. I was smart but I never was a show off, I couldn't be. I never thought I would be the target of a mean prank like that.

I don't know why I remembered this, but I did, and it bothers me.
Even after that incident, I still liked both of them. Bobby is a wannabe "rapper" and Billy... don't know, I never really talked to him in high school, despite having known him since the first grade.

It is just really sad, the things that happen to nice people.

My heart goes out to the people of Haiti, an estimated 100,000 dead... so sad.

J

I Love.

I love good days at work.
Where everything just goes well.
When everyone is in a good mood and laughing.
When its not too crazy busy but not completely dead.

I had a great day.
We got our W2s today, woo!
I'm all crampy and bloaty, but I'm happy.

Since I finally have a set schedule as the prep girl (8-4 Mon-Fri) I always have weekends off, which leaves me room for a part time job, or volunteer work. There are a few cafes up the road I am going to look into, as well as the Humane Society about a mile away, I would love to work/volunteer with the animals. Even if I'm not getting paid. I just love animals.

We'll see, I'm just happy things are finally stable and going well.
I feel like I'm finally an adult, finally on my own
Independent.
It is a great feeling.

Hope your days were as good as mine was.

J

What A World.

I don't understand why some people are just so... nasty.
There is just no need for attitudes like some of those I faced today.
What a day, what a day...

Hope you all had a nice weekend!
Happy Monday.

J

Closure.

It is done.
Matt threw away my PlayStation and all my games.
He threw away everything else of mine he had.
He sold my $2,300 computer and my printer... for $700.
He is keeping $200 and sending me the rest.
Or so he says.

I'm furious.
I'm depressed.
I feel completely empty.
I want to scream.
I want to hit him.

He would just laugh.
I told him I was going to press charges but now there is just no point. He laughed and told me I couldn't even if I tried.

It is done.
Closure.

He told me to trash everything he ever gave me, including the jacket he originally wanted back. He'd just throw it all out anyway.

That's all.
Goodnight.

J

Dream Blog: 1/10/10

I'm on a yacht, there is a huge party going on. The music is loud and there are brightly colored lights dancing across everyone's silhouettes. There are people in skimpy bathing suits, or tight dresses, or even less dancing and grinding on the deck, there are couples making out everywhere, and everyone has some kind of alcohol in their hands. Everyone is beautiful, flawless, and having a great time.

I'm scared. I don't know anyone and I have my arms tucked at my sides as I weave though sweaty, dancing bodies. I'm wearing baggy blue jeans and a black and green striped long sleeve shirt, probably the only person wearing appropriate clothes for the weather. Despite the dark sky and the stars, the water is a glowy blue/green like the waters of the Caribbean, almost scary looking in contrast to the dark night. It is cold, I can see my breath in front of my face and I am shivering slightly. My hair is wet, and the ends are turning into icicles, shimmery and blue.

Everyone around me is completely oblivious to my existence. I bump into all kinds of people, but its like they don't even notice. Despite the loud music and everyone dancing and moving, no one is talking, no one is singing, no one is laughing. Everything is silent except for the sound of music, movement, and the ocean. I start to cry as I make my way to the railing of the deck. My tears turn to ice on my face, my lips turn blue. I'm freezing to death, surrounded by warm, half naked people. I rub my arms to make them warm but I can't feel anything.

The horizon is invisible, the ocean and starry sky just seem to stop and turn black, melting together into a black hole. I back away from the rail, something terrifies me but I don't know what it is. I fall into a group of people, taking a knee to my chest. They don't even notice me. They smile and nod their heads, moving to the beat of the music. I begin to panic, and sweat, my sweat turns to ice the second it reaches the surface of my skin.

There is a wispy aura around me, like what would come off of dry ice. The skin on my face is turning blue, cracking. My lips are purple and dry. My eyes are red from crying and the blue of my irises are white and cracked, like ice. I run back to the railing and look down at the warm looking water, and without thinking I jump. Despite its appearance the water is like ice. I become encased in ice, frozen in place, unable to swim, unable to breathe.

I can blink, I can see. I die.

------------------------------------------------------

You know how there is a saying that you never see yourself die in your dreams?
I see it all the time.

Sometimes my dreams scare the hell out of me, sometimes they get me thinking.
What does this dream mean?
Does it mean anything?

I don't know.
Opinions?

J

Dream Blog: 1/9/10 (Part 2)

I'm in a large SUV with a man, woman, and a young girl a few years younger than me, they are my family. We are on our way to McDonalds, and we are all laughing and throwing on formal wear in the vehicle. My "sister" and I begin to argue about whose shoes are whose and she eventually gets her way and puts on my shiny black heels. We get to the restaurant and my sister and I go outside to a large playground in the back. She runs to the swings and begins to play, and I climb to the top of a large rock climbing wall.

There is a train parked on a set of train tracks running straight through the playground, and a few dozen boxcars behind it, all different colors. The dream turns into video game like pixels and suddenly I can see into all of the boxcars. Inside each car there is a home, with people inside. Inside one of the homes there is a dead body. I try to jump over the boxcars trying to run from someone who is suddenly chasing me, just keep running.

-----------------------------------------------------

A group of friends and I go to a really creepy closed hospital to rescue another one of our friends. We get there to find the whole place dark and locked down. We find an unlocked door and sneak in, trying to avoid all the desks and personnel. We get caught by a doctor and begin to run.

We turn a corner, thinking we lost the doctor, only to come face to face with our friend, smiling and happy as a clam wheeling himself around in a wheelchair. We walk out as if we weren't breaking into and then out of a crazy, evil hospital. Then... we left.

......................................................


Lots of crazy dreams last night...
Time to sleep again.

Night night.

J

Hai, I'm A Red Head Noaw!

Well...
It is official.
I have red hair.
Next comes the highlights.
Black to bright orange/red, dramatic?

Pictures soon.
Looks... interesting, haha.
I like it.

J

Dream Blog: 1/9/10 (Part 1)

The scene is set in a Renaissance age, the dream is told in the first person omniscient by a fellow assassin on my team named Alex. There are four of us on the tea; Cleo, Alex, Mario, and myself. We are at a festival, we each have a target. We lose Alex pretty early on and despite our instructions, we spend the rest of the dream searching for him.

Despite the fact that my head is filled with his instructions, his story, I can't find him. Alex is running from us, dropping clues (like a whip, a pistol, etc.), and laughing about it, but we can't find him. I break away from the others and leave the festival, the trail of clues ends, and all I can hear is Alex's laughter in the wind.

----------------------------------------------------

My grandmother and my mother invite me to dinner. I live in a large flat with my older sister (I don't have an older sister, by the way), the restaurant in two floors below us. My sister makes me a dress, and after I put it on I grab my purse and run down to the restaurant. The tables and seats are all on individual, raised carpeted platforms, my grandmother and mother have already ordered and are eating their food. Before I get to them I get kicked out for not wearing shoes. Oops.

I run back to my apartment and grab a pair of high heel boots, but then I start freaking out because I realize I haven't shaved my legs in like a month... seriously, it looks so weird. I shave my legs really fast and run back to the restaurant, which is now closed. My mom calls me on the phone and laughs at me, and I get angry. I yell something at my sister and slam myself into my room.

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I have two more dreams, but my boyfriend is being a jerk.
He is in a bad mood for no reason and I want to punch him in the face.
I'll write later.

J

New Sanctuary Episode Tonight!

(Season 1 cast)

Cast Cast:
Amanda Tapping ~ Dr. Helen Magnus
Robin Dunne ~ Dr. Will Zimmerman
Ryan Robbins ~ Henry Foss
Christopher Heyerdahl ~ Bigfoot / Druitt (Jack the Ripper)
Emilie Ullerup ~ Ashley Magnus
Agam Darshi ~ Kate Freelander
Lynda Boyd ~ Dana Whitcomb
Jonathon Young ~ Nikola Tesla
Christine Chatelain ~ Clara Griffin
Peter Wingfield ~ Dr. James Watson


(Season 2 cast)

There are more of course, but these are who you see the most.
Without giving anything away, I should tell you that three (possibly four?) of the above are deceased as of the latest episode...

Sanctuary is my favorite show ever.
I've waited weeks for a new episode and tonight is the night!
I know I don't have a life.
I'm really excited.
This is the only show I can watch reruns of without going insane.

Yeaaaaaah baby!

J

I Wear My Heart n My Sleeve...

If there was anything in the world I could do to help you, I would.
Your situation breaks my heart and if I had the money to give to you out of my own pockets to get you a place to stay, I would... but I'm not much better off myself.

I doubt you will ever read this, but I'm always here for you.
I wanted to hug you today but for some reason I didn't... I just don't think it will help. It kills me to hear you talk about hurting yourself, or worse...

I love you kiddo, my heart goes out to you.
I'll always be here for you.

I had a fantastic day... an all around great week.
I have the whole weekend off.
But all I can think about is our conversation...

Sigh...

J

Money Money Money!

I finally have money.
For myself, for rent, for bills, and for my savings account.
Everything feels so great!

Maybe this is karma for having to take so much crap from people when I've been nothing but... I dunno... amazing? Haha.

=]

J

Something Is Wrong...

With my cat.
And I can't understand what it is.
She pooped in the bathroom and peed in her water bowl.
She has never acted out at all since I've had her, the opposite in fact, she's always been so well-behaved.
Lately she has been restless and jittery... I'm worried.
She still has a free vet visit so I might go this weekend just to get a check up, but I hope it is nothing serious.

Sigh... work was fantastic today, it really was. Very dead day, we all got to hang out and just talk and joke around. It was almost like we were friends... it was nice. I had my first full day of doing prep alone, it really sucked. I had to spend a lot of time in the -12 degree freezer looking for buns and tortillas and mixes and pancakes and all that fun stuff, then pull them out according to a specific sheet so they can thaw for the next day, then label them with times and stuff. Yeah, it was suckish. Colby made me late today so I started late, and since they still have me coming in at 8:00 and prep is supposed to start at 7:00 that puts me an hour behind every day and makes me have to rush more. It is really nerve wracking, especially when I have to put all the vegetables in containers, fill all the sauces, fill the dispensers, bag the cheeses, blah blah blah, for the grill area all before change-over at 10:30, but I have to do things in a certain order according to time... Blaaahhhhh.

I still haven't talked to Sandy about how much I dislike it, but I know she is just trying to get me more experience in the restaurant so I will deal with it for a while, its going to get easier and quicker while I learn everything. I still don't like it though, I actually miss my customers, haha.

Just random ranting!
Watching House, then NCIS.
I think i might make some soup, mmm.

J

Things Are...

Good.
Really good.
It is almost scary.

I'm happy right now... work is going well (probably because we haven't been very busy lately), and they made me the prep girl... which I hate, so I have to talk to Sandy... but yeah, it has all been good. Lots of good days.

Colby and I are fantastic... we laugh with each other a lot. Its a really healthy relationship and I love it. I love him... blah blah sappy sappy blah blah. I'm lucky... he's so great.

My mom is pleased with the present I got her, I'm glad I could bring her a little happiness in these hard times. She still hasn't found a job, and now with my grandmother dying... it is hard.

I had chicken and dumpling soup for lunch, very yummy... I wish I had some crackers though. I love crackers.

I need to give my cat another flea bath and clean out my hamsters' cage... funnn! Payday tomorrow, yesss!

Hope you all are having a good week!

J

Ghosties.

Has anyone else noticed all these new ghost hunting shows on television? Kids who can see and talk to ghosts? Its all complete bogus. I mean, I used to believe in ghosts when I was... I dunno... eight years old?

what I want to know is: Are there hidden messages in these shows? I'm not sure what I mean... but if you believe in all this paranormal stuff, does it make you religious? Ghosts and angels and demons and restless spirits... I don't know. I used to laugh at these commercials for these shows but now there are just too many of them. How many people seriously believe this stuff?

Unrelated, I had a fantastic day at work. It really was great... other than the fact that apparently we were supposed to be there an hour earlier than we showed up and no one bothered to call us. But we worked it out with Sandy, since she gave us the time because the schedule wasn't up. Colby and I dropped his truck off at Dobbs after work and walked around for five hours while they checked it out. Bad news though... we thought it was the brake pads, but come to find out his truck has been leaking break fluid and now there's air in the system and he has to push the brakes to the floor and pump it to stop. Sounds dirty, but... its bad. So we're dropping it off again tomorrow before work and dishing out $350 or more to get it fixed. Ugh. But whatever, we can afford it.

We went on a fun shopping spree at target while we were waiting, I bought 5 pairs of undies, some clothes hangers, two new lip glosses, Chewy granola bars, and beverages. Yum. We went into this really cool comic book store and I found the full series of the 30 Days of Night... $20 per book... and I couldn't dish that out. There was also a paperback and a hard cover copy of the Wizard of Oz in comic book form... it was awesome. I really wanted it, it looked so cool... but I held myself back. ALSO there were a whole bunch of collectible WoW figurines, VERY neat.

My grandmother is recovering in a hospital/nursing home... she has been getting worse since the chemo. Her strength keeps dwindling and isn't returning at all. My mom thinks she won't live much longer... I can't say I didn't see it coming. By today's living standards she isn't that old, she's almost 60. But she has been smoking profusely since she was a teenager, and she has had a rough life... it is sad to think about.

Time to watch some Tow and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, and CSI: Miami... it will be a good night.

Payday on Thursday!!!

I Miss...

My mom.
My huge yard with my big boulder in the front.
My well.
All the woods around my house.
The rock pits.
My bright orange room.
My gargoyle statue.
My cat Napkin.
Logan Wilkerson!
The huge, tan chair in my old living room.
All of the raspberry and blueberry bushes on the sides of the dirt driveway.
The old Fox Farm with all their horses.
The beach and climbing on the rocks.
My little sisters.
My old high school library... my old favorite place in the world.
McArthur Library and Vicki.
Fun Town/Splash Town.
Canopy Lake Park.
The Saco River.
Seeing Main St. lit up around Christmas.
The stage in the Tiger Gym where Tory, Adara, Herby, Devon, and myself used to perform and goof off during Study Hall.
The librarians.
My really delicious well water.
Special K meals being 99 cents a piece.
The moose who used to live in my backyard.
The wild turkeys that used to be everywhere.
My pink, silk/lace baby photo album... and all my other albums.
My bookshelf and all my books.
My Pokemon card collection.
My Harry Potter card collection.
My bendy reading lamp.

Among other things.
I'm have a great morning, I think I might go shopping today. =]

=]

I'm done being nice to people who don't deserve it.
I'm just going to live my life and ignore the people who just aren't good enough to be a part of it.

Goodnight everyone, have a great weekend!

Jan
<3

Hmm?

What do you call a gang of prostitutes you see on the street corner? Serious question.
I was trying to think of a good word... but "gang" seems like they are all involved in drugs and violence... but using words like "herd", "flock", and "gaggle" make them seem like animals. They are human, of course.

So... what do you call them?
I guess... group? A group of prostitutes...

So, yeah. I saw some, haha.
TB's new 5-layer burrito is okay, not great, but okay.
Wendy's ice cream takes like cold, melted cardboard, and the girl who took our order was extremely rude and left her headset on so we could hear everything she was saying.
Their spicy chicken nuggets are alright though, $1.00 for 5. =]

And I love my boy.
We jammed out and danced and sang to some Linkin Park and random radio music.
Marry me?

Jan

I Want A New Kitty!

I really do, orange cats are my favorite, they're beautiful. I really just want to get Jade a playmate because she is so energetic and Socks is just a big lump. I love my baby girl so much.

We lost another crew member today, she was fired because she's been sleeping with one of the managers, EVERYONE knew... except both of their girlfriends. Can you say drama? Haha... so Sandy is making me the new prep girl, so I don't think I'll be on register much anymore, and I won't be training Taryn anymore starting on Monday. I'll get new training and learn to put together more stuff... too bad I'll be all isolated and junk.

I got $200 in the mail today from my mom's boyfriend, trying to make up for old times... blah. I don't know what to think yet. all I know is that it will help with bills. Speaking of bills, my cell phone bills is not nearly as high as it should be, but I'm not complaining.

I'm watching some CSI:Miami, relaxing for the night, I've got tomorrow off.
I might bust out my Season 1 NCIS DVDS tonight, not sure yet. I was saving them for a rainy day.

Well, that's all I guess.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Happy New Year. Fuckers.

**This post is about no one in particular, and yet it is about so many people. This is just all my anger built up over the past two years, it all erupted last night after a fight with an old "friend". To those who think this post is about you, it might be. It might not be. I wrote this in a fit of rage, and I'm not sorry. This is how blogging works and I'm not going to delete this post just because a few people were offended.**


Let me just start out by stating how much I strongly dislike hypocrites. I remember all throughout high school I used to get shit on and harassed by my "friends" because i met people online. Well, think about it. I was on an online game for many hours a day, where there just happened to be, um, 14.5 million other people playing. ?Kind of hard to avoid every last one and not make a friend, especially when you need to befriend some if you want to get anywhere. And now, ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, enemies, and sluttly little bitches alike are all making friends (and girl/boyfriends) online and wanting to meet them, or have already. You're all assholes and hypocrites!

I just wanted to tell you that everything you said to me doesn't matter anymore, because how can I possibly have hard feelings against someone who is a hypocritical retard? =] You just aren't worth my time. Have a nice day.

And for those who have been insulting my intelligence lately, you should just know you are beyond pathetic if you feel the need to insult me in order to make yourself feel better. I had my struggles in high school, just like everyone, and sometimes life came before my grades. I made High Honors for my junior and senior year, and I was involved in band, chorus, Civil Rights, as well as Amnesty International, which I think says something about my character.

I also won an award at graduation for reading 1,000 books from my school library in 3 years, excluding books I bought myself, or books from the public library. So fuck off. =] My brain is perfectly fine.

Oh, and for bashing me for not being in school right now? Fuck you, seriously. I went to college for a year, but because my mommy and daddy weren't paying for me, I had to be an adult (I know, you don't know what that is, its okay), and do all my loans myself. Alas, that is when the economy tanked, and I lost all my loans. and voila, now I'm working full-time, and not in school. But I will be, soon. I also know what classes I need, and want, to take for my degree.

And for thinking I'm terrible for working at McDonalds? Well, someone has to feed your fat, lazy face, right? I don't understand the negative stigma on fast food. I have never been anything but polite to my customers, and our store is a very clean environment. A job is a job, and most people would be very thankful to get a job there. I know I'm happy to be working there, because there isn't much else. Unlike you, I don't live under mommy and daddy's roof. I have an apartment with rent and utilities to pay, I have a phone bill, as well as internet and cable. Not to mention the money I need for groceries, gas, and misc. things I may need.

So once again, fuck you you little judgmental, hypocritical cunt. You can take all of your blind opinions and conceited childish ramblings and shove them up your ass.

If anyone should be laughed at for how they are leading their lives, it is you.
At least I don't ruin relationships by having unrealistic standards and by thinking I'm better than everyone else. No one will ever love you legitimately, and if you ever find that one girl/guy who meets all your ridiculous standards, I hope he/she is just as crazy as you, and kills you in your sleep.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!
I need food!

=]