Overwhelmed.

What if?
What if I had never gone to Missouri that Summer, what if I had never even applied to Memorial University?
What if I had just stayed in Maine and went to a local school with the people I thought didn't care about me?
What if I had focused more on my future, instead of my own insecurities?
What if I hadn't fucked up?

I love Colby, yet he drives me insane.
I can go from blissful to infuriated in an instant, and it hurts.
I'm happy to be on my own, but its so damn hard.
I work 40 hours a week, only to have not a single penny left after I pay rent and bills, NOT ONE FUCKING PENNY to put aside for my future.
I'll never move up or gain anything from working at McDonalds, but I can't find anything else.
I can't drive, I had my permit once, but then I moved and never got back to it.
I've made so many stupid decisions in the last three years, and I have so many regrets... like not learning to drive.
Everything would be so much fucking better if I had just sucked up my fear and learned, got off my lazy ass and into the car.

I hate myself, I hate my life, I've become bitter and angry at everyone, when I used to be so... happy, so loving.

Every decision I've made has shaped my life into what it is... I'm miserable.
I don't know what to do... I'm doing bad things to take my mind off the pain... I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Overwhelmed.
Its killing me...

J