Complicated.

I don't know, it's complicated.
I feel... fine. Good even.
But I've been thinking a lot about being independant, and growing up. Because most of my "adult" life I've been doing things backwards. Specifically, one example, living with my boyfriend. I moved in with him when I was 19, still a dumb kid. I never really had a chance to be independent, on my own. I never had a chance to figure out who I am, and I still don't know. I'm an adult, yet I have been living solely by other peoples' rules, as if I'm still a child, and it needs to stop. So I've been casually looking for cheap apartments in town. I mentioned this to Colby, and tried to rationalize it, but I don't think he really understands
.
I'm not 100% serious, just weighing my options. Trying. I'm tired of being told that I'm dragging people down. Tired of being complained about. Tired of having everyone feel like I'm taking advantage of them, or that I'm lazy. Because I'm not. I don't know if I can see myself marrying Colby. Maybe some time in the future, but we're just kids. Dumb kids. We don't know what we want out of life yet. Do we?

So if I can't see myself marrying him, then why have I been living here, with him, for the last 3 and a half years? I don't know what I'm saying... just a lot on my mind. It's hard to explain to other people who don't understand or respect you, what you're feeling.

I don't want to break up with him, by any means. I love him. I really do. But one of the reasons our relationship sucks so much sometimes, is because we did it backwards. He's never had time to be independent and be who he is, so he still runs his life as if he lives at home with his overly controling mother, and he projects that onto me. Even though I'm not his child or his sibling, I am his equal. But he doesn't see it. Once again, when I bring it up, it comes off as me being lazy, or something. Which I'm not.

I'm just... different.

So it's not his fault, but he doesn't understand. Even if this all fails miserably, and it's difficult, I want to prove, mainly to myself, but to him and everyone else who has doubted me, that I have what it takes to be on my own, and be independent. To take care of myself. I'm not a child anymore. I want this for myself.

Because if something should happen to him, or if we should break up and I'm forced out... then what? Before I get too old and am ready to settle down and start a family, I want to experience adulthood, and what it means. I don't want to have given up before ever experiencing it. I want to have the excitement of letting my laundry pile up without someone lecturing me.

Hell, I want to be able to VISIT my boyfriend. I haven't visited a boyfriend since I was 15 years old. I've always had one, but was always living with them. I've never missed Colby, or had the chance to miss him. Because he's always been here. Always, all the time. We see too much of each other. So we're 22 years old, and basically a grumpy old married couple. And I don't know if he wants marriage, and I don't know if I do either. So what's the point of trapping ourselves in this miserable state?

Worst case scenario: I move out, we break up, and it's not as messy as if I were living here when it happened. Maybe if we live apart, we'll see that it wasn't working out. Or maybe we'll become closer. I just know... right now, we're both unhappy. And something needs to be done.

It's not enough to have him tell me "Jan get your license." or "Jan get a second job." Because that's not what I want. I am fine not being able to drive. I have nowhere to go.

I want to live by my rules.
We're slowly fixing out individual lives.
He's going back to school in the fall, and I'm looking for another job to get myself back on track financially, but what else can I do? I've been stuck for so long... part of me wants to give up. I just don't know what to do. But if I can land a job or two, where I make enough to live on my own, I want that for myself. My own place. A place for me. To just be me. But on my salary alone right now... I don't know. It'd be tight, but maybe possible.

So... I have options.
I'd just like more wiggle room.

Fuck... I don't know. I don't know what's going on.
I need help. An out maybe? Or maybe just a large sum of money?

I don't know what would fix it at this point.

J

Vote For My little Cousin, Sarah!

Can everyone please take a second to vote for my cousin Sarah in The X Factor Cheer Contest?
She's fantastic and I'd love to see her win!

http://txf.vzpromotions.com/?i=861

Thank you guys!

<3

Two Lesbians Raised a Child, Here He Is. =)

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. What an incredible speaker!
My new hero! <3

Love is love.
Equality for all.

J

You Know...

I really hate it when people buy me clothes, or offer to buy me clothes, because they don't think I'm "fashionable" enough, or whatever. I know you THINK you're doing a nice thing by forcing all these "nice" clothes down my throat, but I actually find it incredibly humiliating and insulting.

You want to know why I wear jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts? I'm fucking ugly. I'm fucking fat. Covering myself with expensive, girly clothing isn't going to change that. Ever. Dressing me in fancy clothes and jewelry is like throwing some sparkly glitter on a pile of dog shit. Its still dog shit. Its always going to be dog shit. Now its just covered in glitter. The glitter does not hide the fact that it is, in fact, dog shit.

I'm dog shit. Stop throwing glitter on me.

Fuck. FUCK EVERYTHING.

I’m never talking to, or confiding anything, to anyone in this fucking family ever again. I’m never talking to anyone ever again. About anything. I can’t fucking trust in anyone anymore, and I’m tired of looking like the bad guy all the time. I don't needs friends, I don't need to be a part of this fucking family, I just need to pick up my fucking life and fix it all myself. I'm tired of people treating me like I'm some kind of monster and like everything I do is to make other people miserable. I'm tired of having all the blame put on me and having to take the fall for others. All the fucking time. I’m done. I’m fucking done with all of these people.

My Tiger Babies.

Yesterday Link (white cat), Tessa, Frankie, and Jasper (my three tiger kittens) were all loaded up and sent to Chicago to get fixed, they are coming home tonight. In fact, they're about 10 minutes away now! I'll admit it, I was worried. Really worried actually. I had several bad dreams over the course of the last week about possible outcomes of them all getting their operations... it was sad.

I missed them, I really did. It was quiet without Link chasing my other two indoor cats around and destroying the world. Anyway, Colby's mom called and told us that a woman came into the shelter, where my cats were staying overnight, and saw the three kittens. and fell in love. They are meant to be barn cats, but we got them VERY young and so I've had to take care of them and watch them closely to make sure they developed properly. Because of this, they are VERY people friendly and affectionate.

Colby's mom said that after the woman left, she called the shelter SIX times, begging to adopt my three tiger kittens. Six times. Begging. But she can't have them, because they're my babies!

And they're coming home tonight!

J

Thank You.

So, no more VALO for me.
Life is so shitty.
I need to fix everything and make it better.

J

Cheer Up.

One of my awesome Twitter friends made this for me today. It made me smile.
Not much can make me smile these days.
I've been completely miserable.
I feel so helpless, so completely alone.
I think I'm starting to give up.
No, that's not true.
I gave up a long time ago.

Ugh..

J

VALO Day 13 - Playing WoW [POV]

My life is so pathetic...

J

VALO Day 11 - Childhood Questions Part 2

=)

J

VALO Day 10 - Childhood Questions Part 1

<3

J

Vlog Questions!

Hey there folks, just making a post so that you have the option to submit questions for my vlogs anonymously! If I ever ask for questions go ahead and just post them here (unless I make a more recent post) and I'll answer them in my vlog!

Ask awaaaaay!

:D

Cheaters.

Today, Colby and I found out via Facebook that our good friend, and outstanding Marine, is the victim of a cheating, manipulative wife, and they are only 20 and 21 years old. This was posted on both of their Facebook pages today:

"TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.. I [Destinye] would never tell you this myself, because I hate who I am, I'm manipulative, and I am a compulsive liar. So my soon-to-be ex husband will have to do it for me. He is an amazing man. He supported me when my life was hard, he loved me with all his heart, he NEVER would've hurt me, he gave me everything I could've asked for, he did everything for me, he would've died for me, he loved me even if I fucked up... even if I ripped his heart out.. twice. I was never happier than when I was with him. At least that's what I told him. If you're wondering, I cheated on him, twice. Once while he was deployed, serving his country, risking his life, at the most vulnerable part of his life. But I reassured him that I would NEVER do it again. That I LOVED him more than anyone, and I could not live without him. For he was my soul mate. But again I cheated, just recently, while he was home, sleeping next to me every night, comfortable and care-free.. He had no idea. In fact, him finding out that I had been cheating on him since mid September shocked him so badly, he contemplated suicide for days. He still is in fact. But i don't really care. Selfishness is part of my nature, as well as deceit and manipulation. Will I ever find someone good enough for me? Probably not. Because I already have, unfortunately, I found the need to sleep with 19 yr old, skinny, drug-dealing, no future, Anza kid. Rico Robles. So a fair warning to anyone looking to try having a relationship with me: Good luck, I obviously had everything I couldve asked for, an apartment, a brand new car, a great job, I was in college, and had a loving husband who made me laugh, rubbed my feet, cooked me breakfast, gave me the world, supported me no matter what held me when I was upset, wiped my tears away, told me I was beautiful everyday even if I had just woken up.. One day I'll look back and see what I missed out on. One day.. I'll realize he really loved me. But it will be too late."

Justin, I doubt you're reading this, but we love you man. SO many people are proud of you and love you. Stay strong, you'll get through this.

J

Meet Chadwick Worthington.
Chadwick is a manduca sexta caterpillar, more commonly called a tobacco hornworm.
I bread and raised these little guys as an intern at USM Biological.
He is a very beautiful specimen, and very pesky.
Here, you see him eating the tomato plants in my garden. Bad bad bad.
I will not kill him though, because Winter is coming and my garden is dying anyway.

So, eat away, my lovely little friend. Our battle will continue next season!

A Letter to Metro East Management, Our Landlady, and City Hall.

To whom it may concern,

In March of 2010, my boyfriend and I moved into _______________________.
After we completed out initial paperwork and walk through, we were content with our decision to move into this apartment, but our minds were quickly changed. Please note that this letter will be delivered to Metro East Management as well as City Hall upon our leave of this apartment.

I have compiled a list of all of the issues that we discovered during our time living at this residence, some of which could have been easily taken care of and avoided before we arrived. These are all things we discovered after we had signed the paperwork and had finished our initial walk through:

1) Numerous stains in living area carpet, ranging from red to brown in color, some of which did not require steam cleaning and could have been easily cleaned before our arrival.
2) Living room and bedroom windows caked with grime, dirt, and dead insects.
3) Left living room window has never been opened during our stay here, it is stuck.
4) Bedroom window is broken and does not close all the way, resulting in extra money spent on heating and cooling bills.
5) Paint splatter/droplets on the baseboards in bathroom, as well as small stains, and possibly burns, in the linoleum.
6) Underside of the toilet seat is discolored, warped, and possibly mold ridden, we refuse to replace it as it was like this when we arrived and we don't have the money.
7) Toilet bowl was HEAVILY stained.
8) "Flowers" on the bottom of the bathtub were moldy and cracked, some of which were very sharp.
9) Hallway light bulb, two bathroom light bulbs, outside light bulb, and two light bulbs on the ceiling fan were dead and had not been replaced, light fixtures and ceiling fan were also caked with dust and dead insects. We will be taking the light bulbs that we bought with us, seeing as we bought them with our own money.
10) Shower head needed to be completely replaced and was coated in grime and rust, water would not come out at all, which we paid for out of our pocket.
11) We had to spend money to buy a drain snake and drain cleaner after we discovered that the bathtub drain was completely clogged.
12) Both the bathroom and kitchen faucets leak from the knobs, regardless of which knob you turn.
13) Large burn on the bedroom window blinds.
14) The first night we tried to wash our clothes in the washer/dryer that came with the apartment, we discovered that not only was the washer broken, but the inside of the dryer was coated with rust, which resulted in rust stains on a full load of laundry that we attempted to wash. We had to throw away those clothes.
15) It took the maintenance people almost two weeks to get out to the apartment to replace the broken washer/dryer, and upon their arrival they also discovered that the vents leading from the dryer to outside had not been cleaned in quite some time, and that the tubing was the wrong size, which is a MAJOR fire hazard. They had to use a gas powered leaf blower to clean it all out, and we were forced to deal with the smell.
16) In the Winter time, we called Metro East to come and salt our stairs numerous times during the snow/ice storms that occurred. The stairs were never salted, and my boyfriend fell down the stairs, which resulted in a severe back injury that left him unable to work and cost us a few hundred dollars in chiropractor bills. I would say that the company is very luck we decided not to sue.
17) Crack in the foundation in the wall above the bedroom door.
18) Dishwasher is VERY outdated and leaks.
19) All the ceiling vents are rust covered.
20) Although the fridge works relatively fine, we discovered that the lining had been almost completely torn off and had been hidden under the fridge.
21) Frame on the mirror behind the bedroom door was loose and later fell off on its own, the stickers on the mirror were also there when we moved in.
22) We were told that this neighborhood did not accept S8, and that it was drug and crime free. This could not be more incorrect. Had we known that there was such a high amount of drug and gang related violence in this neighborhood, we would NEVER chosen to move here. The police are here at least once a week, I have video proof of that, and there is a lot of talk about gang violence and a lot of drug use, as well as numerous other illegal activities. Most of the neighbors, namely from building 12, are up at all hours of the night and are VERY loud and very rude. There are fights on the front lawn on an almost nightly basis, and loud music and voices can be heard even at 3-4 in the morning.
23) The lining on the front door is missing completely, and if the deadbolt is not locked, the door remains cracked open, which lets a lot of heat/air out.
24) In our lease it states that we are responsible for any pest problems we encounter within our residence, i.e. mice or insects. After just one night here we discovered that the whole apartment was INFESTED with ants of all sorts. Despite spending money sprays and traps, the problem continued to worsen until we had to spend a moderately large amount of money on a powerful spray to get rid of the bugs. The ant infestation resulted in the death of one of our pets. I'm well aware that pest control is our responsibility, but being that these ants were a major problem before our arrival, I would have to say that I am completely disgusted with how this apartment was kept, previous to our residing here.

In closing, we did our best to be respectful and to clean up the apartment in our last few days living here, despite the disgusting state we found it in when we arrived. If there are fees for cleaning the carpets, then so be it, since we are not allowed to steam clean them ourselves. If anything, we left this apartment in a much better state than when we arrived, spending a lot of money out of pocket to fix and replace things that should have been dealt with before our arrival. If we are charged extra for anything listed above, we will be taking Metro East to court. Rest assured, we will not be speaking very highly of this neighborhood, this apartment, or this company to our friends and family.

Sincerely,
Janise Hall and Colby Blankenhagen
__________________________________

USTREAM Party!

So I'm on USTREAM watching Jeph Jacques draw today's Questionable Content comic () and I'm in chat with some seriously awesome people.

Here are some QC themed Alliterations they've come up with! Woot!

2:21 KnavishSprite: Hugging Hannelore Heralds Heavy Hyperventilating

2:23 Tychomnger: Diddling Dora Delineates Deficiencies

2:23 darkoneko: Tickling Tai Takes The Talk

2:24 hopalong1987: Touching Tai Trrigers Tounge Tickling

2:24 Tychomnger: Probing Pintsize Pleases Properly

2:24 BearcatSarge: Stalking Steve Starts Stupid 'Staches

2:24 hopalong1987: Monstrous Melons Make Marten Moisten

2:25 darkoneko: Merry Marigold Makes Marten Mopey

2:26 Tychomnger: Telephoning Tortura Takes Talent

2:26 hopalong1987: Clutz Cossette Contributes Clumsily

2:26 stgk: Admiring Angus' Ass Always Attracts

2:27 BearcatSarge: Deliberating Dale Draws Dangerous Desires

2:27 darkoneko: Angu's ass always attracts attention

2:27 coolfusis: Penetrating Penelope proves pleasurable

2:28 BearcatSarge: Waxing Will Warns Woefully

2:27 stgk: Sucking Steve Starts Sloppy Sexytimes

2:29 hopalong1987: Judging Jimbo's Jew Jokes Justifies Jelly Jam

2:29 stgk: Prodding Padma Procures Pleasant Playtime

2:30 Tychomnger: Pursuing Padma Proves Problematic

2:30 BearcatSarge: Egging Elliot Elicits Elegant Elevation

2:31 coolfusis: Ravishing Raven Relaxes Readily

2:31 hopalong1987: Faye's Felatio Finishes Fine Fillies Fourtimes Fortnightly

2:31 darkoneko: Faye finds fucking fantastic

2:31 BearcatSarge: Marrying Meena Means Massive Makeout

2:31 stgk: Raping Renee Risks Rotten, Rough Repercussions

2:32 darkoneko: pervert pitsize pretending poopy penetration

2:32 hopalong1987: Picturing Prepupesent Pornstars Pleased Pintsize

2:33 stgk: Wiggling Winslow Will Welcome Whimpers

2:33 emeraldbeacon: Jiggling Jimbo's Jewels Just (G)enerates Jism

2:33 coolfusis: Wanking Wil's Woody Wasn't Wonderful

2:33 BearcatSarge: Yammering Yellingbird Yowls "You Young Yaks!"

2:33 Tychomnger: Searching for Sarah Seems Senseless

2:35 BearcatSarge: Knowning Knavish Kneads Knack

2:35 stgk: Banging Bearcat Brings Babies

2:36 emeraldbeacon: Randy Readily Reciprocates Reintroductions

2:36 Tychomnger: Tickling Tai Translates into Tweets

2:37 stgk: LordofBays Loves Licking Lovers Listfully

2:37 Tychomnger: Arguing with Angus Accrues Anal

---------------------------------------------------------

After that, they started getting worse and worse... as if they weren't raunchy and awful already. People were getting mad. I actually accidentally pasted the same ones a few times and didn't copy others, it makes me sad because some really awesome ones were lost...

Anyway, that's all for now, thanks for reading!

J

Movie Quotes Game!

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.

~Here we go guys! These are quotes from 15 of my favorite movies, not really in any specific order other than the way they popped into my head. The first to guess them all (or the most) will win my undying affection! The game is done once they've all been guessed!

-----------------------------------------------------

1~ "Helena. Helen. Helen-nun-nuh... it's a bit drab, isn't it? You know, you should think about changing that. Go for something with a bit of dignity and style, mixed with a bit of romance. Something like... 'Valentine'." / "Why? What's your name?" / "Valentine."

2~ "Yeah, I mean what are you? Just sitting back here, hating everyone? Who are you to judge anyone? God, I really loved you a lot. I couldn't stand it. I had to get with people. I couldn't have a life with you anymore."

3~ "Read it, control it, unhinge it. In the past it was often the Dark Lord's pleasure to invade the minds of his victims, creating visions designed to torture them into madness. Only after extracting the last exquisite ounce of agony, only when he had them literally begging for death would he finally... kill them. Used properly, the power of Occlumency will help shield you from access or influence. In these lessons I will attempt to penetrate your mind. You will attempt to resist. Prepare yourself! Legillimens!" 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' - Gene.

4~ "Your Majesty, I broke my promise. I opened the forbidden door. I'm very sorry." / "Hm. Your courage destroyed the Nightmare King and his evil kingdom is gone forever."

5~ "Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of old. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun." 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' - Austen.

6~ "Oh, believe me, that's enough! But the worst thing is, if you so much as set a foot in the Bog of Stench, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life. It'll never wash off."

7~ "But captain, to obey - just like that - for obedience's sake... without questioning... That's something only people like you do." 'Pan's Labyrinth' - graffiti.

8~ "Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army?" / "I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung." / "As long as you don't have flat feet." 'Across the Universe' - Gene.

9~ "A tree. There was a white tree in a courtyard of stone. It was dead. The city was burning." 'LOTR: Return of the King' - Richard.

10~ "His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something!"

11~ "You just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever." / "You'll be in a padded cell forever." / "Maybe we can share one. They'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds." 'The Dark Knight' - Gene.

12~ "That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks." 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' - Gene.

13~ "That? What just happened to you there? That's nothing, you just been playing around with a ghost, wait til somebody lets out the darkness in this place, that's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit, that's - you'll hate that shit."

14~ "I just want to lay with her so badly." / "I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her." / "She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother." / "Which was a BIG mistake, I see that now." 'Year One' - Amanda.

15~ "I can't believe I'm running from a cat!" / "I won't tell if you won't." / Of course, this isn't your ordinary house cat. This is like Arnold Schwarzen-kitty!" 'Homeward Bound' - Gene.

-----------------------------------------------------

SO take your best guesses everyone, and no cheating! I'll leave the comments page open to everyone, just leave your Twitter/Blogger/Real name and I'll announce the winner once its all over!

Thanks for playing!

J

50 Random Facts!

So... I don't have anything to say, so instead I'll just tell you 50 random facts that some people may not know. But since my life is an open book, many people might already know.

So here we go! 50 random facts!

1. In high school, my home room teacher called me by the wrong name for 4 years, the only time he got my name right was the week of graduation, my senior year. I had to remind him of how to pronounce my name at graduation to avoid embarrassment.

2. I won an award at my senior graduation assembly for reading more books than anyone in the school.

3. I pierced my eyebrow when I was 15 years old, and just recently got it done again, and I love it. <3

4. I've been biting my nails my whole life. I've tried to stop a dozen times, and they will get long, and then I bite them off if one chips or breaks.

5. Technically I've only had two jobs, McDonalds and Target.

6. I also had three internships through the Upward Bound program while I was in high school: In the Summer of 2005 I worked for the USM Alumni Association organizing events and doing general office stuff, in the Summer of 2006 I worked for Binax Laboratories doing medical and scientific research, and categorizing scientific journals, and in the Summer of 2007 I worked for USM Biological as a Lab Assistant and I assisted in the raising and breeding of Manduca caterpillars.

7. I cry really easily, but I'm tough as nails as well.

8. I have two cats named Jade and Helen.

9. I've lived in Illinois for 2 years.

10. I've been away from home for over 3 years.

11. I once stapled my finger to a cork board in the third grade while helping out in the computer lab.

12.You'd never know it now, but I made High Honors in high school, and was accepted into every school I applied to, and I never even went to my number one choice.

13. I had a dalmatian named Snoop, and he passed away at 14 years old.

14. I have blue eyes.

15. I'm incredibly self-conscious about every aspect of my appearance and personality.

16. I think that everyone has good in them, even if they try to hide it by doing bad things.

17. Some day, I hope to have a career helping teenagers and children overcome the many emotional challenges that life throws at us all.

18. I have two younger sisters (5 months and 7 years old) and an older brother (22 years old), as well as two step sisters (13 and 16).

19. I don't have my license, and I am terrified to drive.

20. I love candles, oils, and incense.

21. I've always wanted to go to Germany and Ireland.

22. I've recently learned that I love wine. <3

23. I'm a little bit crazy, and a whole lot of awesome.

24. I dye my hair every couple months.

25. I say that I don't have very many/any friends, and I honestly believe it.

26. I have a video blog on YouTube.

27. I have a boyfriend, his name is Colby, and we've been together for over 2 years.

28. I tend to care too much about people, even people I don't know.

29. I love cartoons!

30. My favorite movie is Mirrormask! You've probably never heard of it.

31. I have a hot pink lamp sitting on my desk!

32. I own Mountain Dew flavored lip balm and it is delicious.

33. I have horrible, horrible skin, and despite trying dozens of products, I'm still hideous. Ugh.

34. I'm completely drug free. Except for alcohol.

35. I used to be a cheerleader, and a dancer (tap and jazz).

36. I played the clarinet for 9 years, and I was really good. I was first chair in every District Music Festival I ever attended. I miss it.

37. I taught myself how to play piano when I was younger, but I forgot how. I would love to play seriously again.

38. I used to sing, but after my voice changed I wasn't as good. I still love to sing but I'm self-conscious about it.

39. I want to learn to play the guitar!

40. Sometimes I want to just live on the streets.

41. I'm a writer.

42. I play World of Warcraft.

43. I love The Sims!

44. I am currently feeding 5 cats, the two I own, as well as two stray cats and a kitten.

45. The person I consider to be my best friend is almost a complete stranger to me.

46. I'm watching Family Guy right now.

47. I like to collect change in cups and jars!

48. I have big feet for a girl (size 10/11)!

49. My zodiac sign is Taurus, my Chinese zodiac sign is the Horse.

50. My bra size is 36 DDD.



So, that's that. Hope you learned something about me.
That's it for tonight, I'm contemplating making a Vlog as well, but I look really gross today... so I probably won't.

Byes!

J

Dust In The Wind

I close my eyes
Only for a moment
And the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Same old song
Just a drop of water
In the endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground
Though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Now, don't hang on
Nothing last forever
But the earth and sky
It slips away

And all your money
Won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind.



I don't know why, but I feel empty. Hollow... and I just want to break down and cry. And scream. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to myself. To the people around me...

21 Candles.

Hey, its been a while.

So I turned 21 on April 27th, but didn't really celebrate. Weird, I know.

Anyway, here's a video of Zach (guitar) and Sam and their cool little jam session they did in my apartment.

Yes, that's me in the background, being anti-social and playing WoW, or something. Colby and Kaleb are playing League of Legends, you can hear Kaleb get angry and shout at the game. Colby took the video.



Soooo, that's that.

What's happened recently, hmm. Colby left for Texas this morning, he'll be back on the 16th. I'm home alone. No car, no money, no friends. Hurray!

Pierced my eyebrow again on St. Patrick's Day, since the two places I went to for my tattoo were booked.

Still working at Target, got a nifty 7 cent raise and a really bad review. Still pissed about that.

Colby got fired, so that sucks.

Turned 21, but I already said that...

Things are... stable. Kind of. THINGS are stable, but I'm losing my fucking mind.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I'll write some other time when my head doesn't feel like its about to explode.

J